Sunday, 19 November 2017

कुछ अल्फ़ाज़ बस यूँही - 19!

उस सुकून की ज़ंजीर को
एक बार तो जकड़ लेने दो.
अभिव्यक्ति का हर ख़तरा उठाना ही पड़ता है,
वरना अंदर के तूफ़ान का सैलाब सब राख कर देता है.
अब तो तुमको भी पता है की तुम धड़कन नहीं, धड़कन होने का अहसास हो.
जो पहले रोज़ हाल पूछा करते थे
आज वो हालात तक जानने की
ज़हमत नहीं उठाते.
ना वक़्त थमेगा, ना ज़िंदगी.
हाँ, तुम चाहो तो कुछ देर,
रुक कर,
चैन से साँस ले सकते हो!
जज़्बातों के शमशान में
एक आँसु की बूँद
अमृत से कम नहीं होती.
वो दिन आएगा
एक दिन
जब बदलेगा यह जहाँ
गाएगा आसमान
नाचेगा हर इंसान
वक़्त थामेगा हर लम्हा
आख़िर क्यूँ करते हो, इज़हार को इंकार;
क्या जानते नहीं छुपाते नहीं छुपता
डर और प्यार।
मिज़ाज है ख़ूबसूरती का, आँखों को चैन और मन बेचैन करके चले जाना.
दर्द से अगर रिहाई ना भी मिले तो पल दो पल का आराम ही सही.

Thursday, 26 October 2017

That night I was telling her a story!

That night I was telling her a story.
A story that I had written.
A story that I told everybody
that I made up,
while everybody except her knew
That it was not a story
It was my 21 years of life
Compiled in approximately
Two hundred and fifty words.

That night I was telling her a story
A story she seemed to be interested in,
A story she knew was everything
That I wanted the world outside
To believe as fiction.

That night I was telling her a story
Of all that had happened to me
Including the failures
That broke me, tore me, made me;
The kind of failures that taught me
How un-important it is to lust and drool
Over those notions of success.

That night I was telling her a story
From my heart without the dictation
Of my head and logic.
It had all my passions, fantasies, dreams
And lots more of magic.

That night I was telling her a story
While she was looking at me with
Her closed eyes under that white sheet
In which she was covered with;
She was not breathing,
But I knew she was alive
She had promised me
She wouldn’t die
And I believed her.

And so, that night I was telling her a story.

Monday, 23 October 2017

So, let’s make peace with it!

So, let’s make peace with it today
For once and for all.
I love you
And you don’t have the time
To acknowledge my love for you
But, you don’t mind me
Putting in all that effort
Because it’s a reason
For you to boast to people
“oh look at that crazy human
That human like, shit worthy thing
Could do anything for me
And I wouldn’t have to
Care a damn about it”
Woha! That’s so much for
Your pride, such a massage
For your ego.

I am glad I love you
I am glad that I still
Have the ability to
Give you more,
To pour in more
Love for you
Because I love you
From all that I have.

I am proud of the
Love, care and affection
I shower on you
Because, damn! If you look
Through my eyes
You would realise
That you deserve every
Ounce of it.

It’s okay,
You don’t have my eyes
You don’t see what I do
And so you choose to
Do what you do.

It’s fine
For you to be
Ignorant and arrogant
After all I’m not going anywhere
I’ve given you the liberty
To treat me as you like
So maybe this is what I deserve

But, rest assured
Loving you has taught me
How beautiful it is
To love unconditionally
And be comfortable
With not being or meaning
Anything to the beloved.

Thank you, you
I love you

Saturday, 21 October 2017

Diwali 2017!

My grandfather has always been a man of few words. He didn’t write much. He was a Mathematics professor and loved the subject with utmost purity and sincerity. He used to tell me how Maths took him to places and it was his duty to make maths reach people. I didn’t like the subject and he never made any remarks on that he was okay with it, he valued my choices. He often used to say if you have to ever choose between work and worship make sure you choose work; because it is your work that will help you gain the trust of people and trust is the most important achievement in life. He made me realise how winning hearts and gaining trust are two very different yet equally important things. He had a certain glow in his eyes always. You could call it a symbol of the most pious soul or my obsession with finding a tinch of light in eyes. It’s been more than 7 years since he embraced the skies yet it feels as if he is just right next to me. His gorgeousness remains crystal clear in my head. He was obsessed with standing by people he loved. But, the major problem was he loved everybody in his life. Even if someone met him once he would make sure that he stands with him/her when they needed him. When I used to ask him the logic behind this he’d just say that the we don’t need to understand or decode people, we just need to stand by them when they need it, maybe give them a hug when they’re low. Now, that I think of it, I think he was right! What else would you want except a warm hug on a tough day? Damn! I realised it a bit too late. I used to think that the only emotion that exists is love. Until, he made me believe in how love is not an emotion but an essential for the world. I used to tell him I feel loved, he used to correct me by saying you’re surrounded by love. I am yet differentiate between the two. Tonight, I am sitting at my office desk, while everyone out there is celebrating Diwali and damn I am not sad or cranky about it. I am absolutely fine with it. Seems like Grandpa knew the plan of action of life before he made a place amongst those stars up there.
Happy Diwali, world! 💛

Sunday, 15 October 2017

No, it's not okay!

It’s not okay
To not be okay;
Choose to speak
Choose to scream
Choose to express.

You deserve all the
Light, shine and glory
You deserve to be okay
You deserve to be
All smiles all the time.

Anxiety and depression
Are real, but rest assured they
Aren’t real good friends
So make sure
You don’t sit with them forever
Get rid of it, talk about it.

Just as wounds heal
With medication and time
This too shall,
Just give it sometime
To heal with love and therapy.

There is hope
You are hope
Live, love, laugh.

Sunday, 1 October 2017

Out of love - 84!

Questions are bound to make you uncomfortable, they aren't your Lullaby after all!
But, if you don't believe in magic, how will you have faith in hope?
Everything's fine, dude
It's just that the little
Slimy heart,
Won't let you be okay
With concept of
Being okay.
When logic has given up, it's always magic that winks and prevails.
Just like broken crayons continue colouring, broken hearts continue bleeding love!
The rebel.
The revolution.
The war.
All lies right in the center of the throat. 
Usually, choked!
Light doesn't shine, it just glows;
Just like the breeze which heals the soul.
The moon doesn't heal anymore,
The cracks of the soul now feel like scars. Numb, ugly and helpless.
You capture only what you cannot keep. No wonder it's always said "smile please".
You need to embrace the expression of those who express the parts of you.

Friday, 29 September 2017

On some nights, I crave!

On some nights I crave
For my sister’s motherly love
The love that heals
That knows how to deal
With the anxiety of being
The love that has the power
To make scars feel like tattoos.

On some nights I crave
For her lap, on which I keep my mind
And not my jet black hairy head
Her lap, makes me feel safe
Away from nightmares and horror
The way she brushes my hair
Allows me to find peace in
The pace of my breath

On some nights I crave
For the silence I feel within
When she keeps her hand on my head
On some nights I crave
I crave for the
Magic, strength and solace
I only find in her.


Monday, 25 September 2017

सुना है की तुम!

सुना है की तुम
इस ख़ुश रहने की तलब में
अंधे हो गए हो
सुना है की तुम
अपने आप को ढूँढने की हवस में
अंधे हो गए हो.

सुना है की तुम
अपनी आवाज़ को सुनने
से पहले ही सहम गए हो
अपने आपको पहचानने के ख़याल से
ही कुछ डर से गए हो. 

सुना है की तुम
आजकल देखने, सुनने, चाहने
से पहले ही एक ना ख़त्म
होने वाली दौड़ में
कुत्तों की तरह
चीते से तेज़
भागने लगे हो.

सुना है की
अब तुम सुनते नहीं
सिर्फ़ सुन होते हो,
इतना ही सुना है
मैंने अपने दिल से
अपने ज़मीर के लिए
और दिमाग़ के ख़िलाफ़.

Thursday, 21 September 2017

Have faith on your sweat!

They’d want you to
Trust them,
For they have built that
Bridge of trust in your head.

They’ll want you to believe
That they are here for you
For your good, for you better
While you continue to burn.

As you burn in the fire
Of self, they’ll chill
Tell you to follow
The path they made.

By the time you’re
In ashes they will
Just laugh off
And walk away.

You can’t hold them
Can’t rush to them
For a hug, or
A blanket of solace.

But, yet they’ll
Stand right there
On top of your
Head and chest.

Compressing your head
Dancing on your chest
Making you gasp
For your breath.

The truth is,
They don’t want your good
They don’t know you
They don’t know your good.

It’s only you
Who has to
Suffer, strive and survive
It’s always been that way.

Don’t worry,
You’ll manage
Have faith, on your sweat
If not on time!

Monday, 18 September 2017

Tonight I want to heal!

Tonight I want to heal
Heal the places
That have forgotten to hurt
Despite their urge to.

Every corner where pain
Resides is an evidence of
The pieces that once
Completed me.

Today, I am
What my remains
Have made me
And it's today
That I take pride in them.

I know it's going
To get better
I know I will
Make it better.

The moon is there with me
You are there with me
I am there with me
What else will the 'me' ever need?

We will build magic
Bit by bit, piece by piece
Yet again
Now, for forever.

Sunday, 10 September 2017

You don't have to!

You don't have to
hold me,
I swear you don't have to,
Just stand right next to me
laugh, watch, make fun of me
as I fall
but, just be there
That's all the balm
I need
and all the calm
I want.

It's okay if you aren't okay
with me not being okay
at times,
I am miserable, vulnerable, terrible
But, you know you aren't that
So, just remind me to breathe
even on the days when there is
no oxygen left on heaven, hell and Earth.

Just, drive me into a delusion
that some day, some time
all this pain and struggle
would mean nothing.
Nothing at all
And, also let me believe
that you will stay,
no matter what.

Defining the always
in the forever
by, being the balm
to the remains of my soul.

Just tell me that you will stay,
stay always and forever.

                                                  Image may contain: outdoor

Saturday, 9 September 2017

कहो की सुना है!

कहो की सुना है
कहो की सुनना चाहते हो
कहो की वक़्त है
और तुम उसे बाँटना चाहते हो
कह दो. कहना ही तो है.

मैं मान जाऊँगी
हर बार की तरह
इस बार भी
बेवक़ूफ़ बन जाऊँगी.

तुम्हें तो बस कहना है
पर हर ज़ख़्म तो
मुझे अकेले ही सहना है
तो तुम कह दो.

दो पल की सही
ख़ुशी तो मिलेगी
एक पल का सही
चैन तो आएगा.

ज़ंजीरें तोड़ते और
आज़ादी के ख़्वाब
देखते अब काफ़ी
वक़्त हो गया है.

दिल के चीथडों
और दिमाग़ के टुकड़ों
पर ज़िंदगी सिमट
सी गयी है.

पर अब ना तुम
बहलाते हो ना बहकाते हो
ना कहानी ना क़िस्से सुनाते हो
क्या तुम भी अब
कुछ कह नहीं पाते हो?

                                            Image result for just say it please

Friday, 8 September 2017

कुछ अल्फ़ाज़ बस यूँही - 18!

ना उन्हें फ़िक्र है ना,
हमारे होने का इल्म.
पर फिर भी उनकी याद में
दिल बहलाना भी क्या बुरा है.
खिलाड़ी बने चले थे, ज़िंदगी ने खेल बना कर रख दिया.
आज उसने फिर रुला दिया,
कमबख्त ने आंसू चुरा कर
फिर उस मुस्कान को होठों पर चिपका दिया.
चीखते दिल और दहाडते ज़मीर को
आज फिर उसने चुप करा दिया.
इस सैलाब को तुम क्या रोकोगे,
ये तो ख़ुद ही अपनी बबसि का
मोहताज है.
ये जो तुम मेरे भरोसे के रोज़ चीथड़े करके, मेरे ज़मीर का मज़ाक़ उड़ा देते हो. शर्म नहीं आती जब इस दागबाज़ी को भलाई की चादर के नीचे छुपा देते हो?
तुम्हारी आँखें वो मरहम हैं,
जो तुम्हारी बातों के ज़ख़्म को,
अनदेखा करने पर मजबूर कर देती हैं.
ये बेख़ौफ़ ख़याल ही तो हैं,
जिन्होंने साँसों में ज़िंदगी फूँकी है;
वरना सवालों के जवाब धूँडने की
हवस ने तो ना जाने कब का मार दिया होता.
यूँ तो लफ़्ज़ों से कुछ होगा नहीं, लेकिन तन्हाई बाटने और बयान करने के लिए कोई ना सही कुछ तो चाहिए ही.
दिल के चीथडों के बीच,
जब धड़कन बंजर ही सही,
चल रही हैं,
तो ये बीच राह में
हार मानने वालों हम कौन होते है?
आँखों के अन्दाज़ - ए- बयां के आगे लफ़्ज़ अक्सर हार ही जाते हैं.

Wednesday, 6 September 2017

Why? I don't know!

It's 11:30pm now,
And it's been exactly
72 hours to the last time
I slept.

Why? I don't know.

I haven't been able to sleep
The volcano within doesn't let me
It is boiling, burning, urging
To explode, but it won't.

Why? I don't know.

It is as if the oxygen
I breathe has become poison
For the sound of my breath
Just doesn't seem normal.

Why? I don't know.

The morning sun
Has become the reason
For my soul to burn
Without leaving its ash.

Why? I don't know.

The hope that I believe in
Isn't there to hold me
The faith that once kissed me
Has now abandoned me

Why? I don't know.

The moon that once
Embraced all my insecurities
Now refuses to
Look at them

Why? I don't know.

Yet, you see
I survive
How and why?
I don't know.

Thursday, 3 August 2017

Hot chocolate!

There's so much
To a warm cozy
Cup of hot chocolate.

The warmth that heals
The coldness
The sweetness that encounters
The bitterness
The smoothness that eliminates
The roughness.

As I sit and sip
The divine drink
A sense of gratitude
Trickles down my soul
An essence of content
Massages my forehead
And a happy vibe
Compliments my heartbeat.

There's so much
To a cup of hot chocolate
Rest assured,
There will be something
To life too.

Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Thank you, corner!

You have made me believe
That corners are meant
For just punishments
And it's the centre
Which gets all the glory.

You have made me believe
That whatever is small
And not wide and bright
Deserves to be sidelined
And thrown away in a corner.

But, you didn't tell me
That once in a while
When the light will
Hurt my eyes
I will crave for a corner.

A corner where
The light feels dark
And feeling gets transformed
Into numbness
And just then
I will be fine

Corners don't need
Your glory
They don't need anything
For they are the ones
You rush to
When the sky doesn't
Accommodate you.

Yes, it's just when
The sky shows you
Your failure
And you feel
Out of place
In a place where
There is so much space
You rush to the corner.

Yet, you call the corner
A punishment.
How ungrateful are you?
How wretched are you?
How broken are you?

Monday, 24 July 2017

It's all fine!

You know everything is fine 
Just as fine you want to believe

Don't initiate those conversations
Where you want to dig the fine-ness.

It's all fine, the demons within
Will remain within and that's fine

Exposing those demons, hurricanes and tornados
Will kill our vibe of fine, so let it be.

You're asking me this question,
And you know I will give you that answer.

So, don't
Just don't

At least, for this one last time
Try to give in.

I am trying to not give up
But, my patience and perseverance...

Just let me sleep
thru all this

And wake me up
When it's okay to not be fine.

Saturday, 8 July 2017

Out of love - 83!

The glamour of expression lies in its power to reach the places where light has hit hard and darkness has refused to heal.
Expression is revolutionary
There must have been something that must have taught you to breath in a coffin.
It's never a question that's answered, it's always an answer that leads to a question.
We're all slaves of science.
And one day when it's gone forever, instead of staying forever just let that phase not be disgraceful
And sometimes
And I repeat sometimes
You must slit open yourself
To just check that there's blood
And not venom,
Just not as yet, atleast
You aren't doing justice if you're just crossing the boundary. Don't cross it, tear it, break it, destroy it to the point it never dares to stop someone from doing and believing what they are capable of!
Things will eventually fall in place & after that they'll fall off. It's just winter summer spring & finally autumn.
Sky is not the limit, it's just an evidence that limits are inexistent!

Thursday, 29 June 2017

Not for use!

So you think
I'm useless
Ha! You aren't wrong
I never said I'd be useful
I never claim to be
So either
Because, you know what
Whatever you use
You will eventually
If not immediately

I'm not sacred of failures
Nor am I afraid of rejection
But, I don't deserve
To be thrown away
Just because you think
You're done with me.

I love you, obviously
But, I love myself too
And, the best deal
About this business of love
Is to not let anyone including self
Let you down
Discard you
And so I choose
Not to be of
Any use to you.

Use-ables will be thrown
Unused would just be looked
Down upon
And in this quest
You could either do away
With looks
Or just remain
Shook with all
The filth a trash can
Can contain.

It's okay,
You don't have
To think
I've chosen
The easier option
The one in which
I might not fail
And that obviously
Is doing away
With looks.

I look at what
I want to
And if you
Look at me like
A hungry wolf
I'm sorry
I'll have to
Do away with
Your eyes
That once used
To keep me hook!

Sunday, 18 June 2017

Out of love - 82!

Love isn't meant to do any good to you, it just builds a crack in you where all the light can enter, they usually call that crack a heartbreak
Our battles are more of giving in more than giving up.
The only serious problem is that we don't take our serious problems seriously!
We fuck up more than a lot of times, but let's not live in the delusion that it is all okay and normal. There is no pride or glory in screwing things up. It is shit. And shit can never be a perfume even if it is normal af! You fuck up, you suffer; that is it.
Let the pain consume you;
Maybe that is the only way
You will realise how important
It is to not underestimate the same.

Rest assured, you'll emit all the gold and light in the end!y
Write your autobiography and categorize it as fiction, because looking back is just as unreal as it gets!
A shot in the heart kills
A shot through the heart doesn't let you die while killing you every moment
If you don't consume pain, then how will you bleed art?
It's okay if you think my dreams are unreal, I've spent a major part of time believing the same too!
It's the lust for victory that has killed the humanity inside out!