Monday, 18 September 2017

Tonight I want to heal!

Tonight I want to heal
Heal the places
That have forgotten to hurt
Despite their urge to.

Every corner where pain
Resides is an evidence of
The pieces that once
Completed me.

Today, I am
What my remains
Have made me
And it's today
That I take pride in them.

I know it's going
To get better
I know I will
Make it better.

The moon is there with me
You are there with me
I am there with me
What else will the 'me' ever need?

We will build magic
Bit by bit, piece by piece
Yet again
Now, for forever.

Sunday, 10 September 2017

You don't have to!

You don't have to
hold me,
I swear you don't have to,
Just stand right next to me
laugh, watch, make fun of me
as I fall
but, just be there
That's all the balm
I need
and all the calm
I want.

It's okay if you aren't okay
with me not being okay
at times,
I am miserable, vulnerable, terrible
But, you know you aren't that
So, just remind me to breathe
even on the days when there is
no oxygen left on heaven, hell and Earth.

Just, drive me into a delusion
that some day, some time
all this pain and struggle
would mean nothing.
Nothing at all
And, also let me believe
that you will stay,
no matter what.

Defining the always
in the forever
by, being the balm
to the remains of my soul.

Just tell me that you will stay,
stay always and forever.

                                                  Image may contain: outdoor

Saturday, 9 September 2017

कहो की सुना है!

कहो की सुना है
कहो की सुनना चाहते हो
कहो की वक़्त है
और तुम उसे बाँटना चाहते हो
कह दो. कहना ही तो है.

मैं मान जाऊँगी
हर बार की तरह
इस बार भी
बेवक़ूफ़ बन जाऊँगी.

तुम्हें तो बस कहना है
पर हर ज़ख़्म तो
मुझे अकेले ही सहना है
तो तुम कह दो.

दो पल की सही
ख़ुशी तो मिलेगी
एक पल का सही
चैन तो आएगा.

ज़ंजीरें तोड़ते और
आज़ादी के ख़्वाब
देखते अब काफ़ी
वक़्त हो गया है.

दिल के चीथडों
और दिमाग़ के टुकड़ों
पर ज़िंदगी सिमट
सी गयी है.

पर अब ना तुम
बहलाते हो ना बहकाते हो
ना कहानी ना क़िस्से सुनाते हो
क्या तुम भी अब
कुछ कह नहीं पाते हो?

                                            Image result for just say it please

Friday, 8 September 2017

कुछ अल्फ़ाज़ बस यूँही - 18!

ना उन्हें फ़िक्र है ना,
हमारे होने का इल्म.
पर फिर भी उनकी याद में
दिल बहलाना भी क्या बुरा है.
----------
खिलाड़ी बने चले थे, ज़िंदगी ने खेल बना कर रख दिया.
--------
आज उसने फिर रुला दिया,
कमबख्त ने आंसू चुरा कर
फिर उस मुस्कान को होठों पर चिपका दिया.
चीखते दिल और दहाडते ज़मीर को
आज फिर उसने चुप करा दिया.
--------
इस सैलाब को तुम क्या रोकोगे,
ये तो ख़ुद ही अपनी बबसि का
मोहताज है.
-------
ये जो तुम मेरे भरोसे के रोज़ चीथड़े करके, मेरे ज़मीर का मज़ाक़ उड़ा देते हो. शर्म नहीं आती जब इस दागबाज़ी को भलाई की चादर के नीचे छुपा देते हो?
--------
तुम्हारी आँखें वो मरहम हैं,
जो तुम्हारी बातों के ज़ख़्म को,
अनदेखा करने पर मजबूर कर देती हैं.
----------
ये बेख़ौफ़ ख़याल ही तो हैं,
जिन्होंने साँसों में ज़िंदगी फूँकी है;
वरना सवालों के जवाब धूँडने की
हवस ने तो ना जाने कब का मार दिया होता.
--------
यूँ तो लफ़्ज़ों से कुछ होगा नहीं, लेकिन तन्हाई बाटने और बयान करने के लिए कोई ना सही कुछ तो चाहिए ही.
---------
दिल के चीथडों के बीच,
जब धड़कन बंजर ही सही,
चल रही हैं,
तो ये बीच राह में
हार मानने वालों हम कौन होते है?
--------
आँखों के अन्दाज़ - ए- बयां के आगे लफ़्ज़ अक्सर हार ही जाते हैं.



Wednesday, 6 September 2017

Why? I don't know!

It's 11:30pm now,
And it's been exactly
72 hours to the last time
I slept.

Why? I don't know.

I haven't been able to sleep
The volcano within doesn't let me
It is boiling, burning, urging
To explode, but it won't.

Why? I don't know.

It is as if the oxygen
I breathe has become poison
For the sound of my breath
Just doesn't seem normal.

Why? I don't know.

The morning sun
Has become the reason
For my soul to burn
Without leaving its ash.

Why? I don't know.

The hope that I believe in
Isn't there to hold me
The faith that once kissed me
Has now abandoned me

Why? I don't know.

The moon that once
Embraced all my insecurities
Now refuses to
Look at them

Why? I don't know.

Yet, you see
I survive
How and why?
I don't know.
                                                       

Thursday, 3 August 2017

Hot chocolate!

There's so much
To a warm cozy
Cup of hot chocolate.

The warmth that heals
The coldness
The sweetness that encounters
The bitterness
The smoothness that eliminates
The roughness.

As I sit and sip
The divine drink
A sense of gratitude
Trickles down my soul
An essence of content
Massages my forehead
And a happy vibe
Compliments my heartbeat.

There's so much
To a cup of hot chocolate
Rest assured,
There will be something
To life too.

Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Thank you, corner!

You have made me believe
That corners are meant
For just punishments
And it's the centre
Which gets all the glory.

You have made me believe
That whatever is small
And not wide and bright
Deserves to be sidelined
And thrown away in a corner.

But, you didn't tell me
That once in a while
When the light will
Hurt my eyes
I will crave for a corner.

A corner where
The light feels dark
And feeling gets transformed
Into numbness
And just then
I will be fine

Corners don't need
Your glory
They don't need anything
For they are the ones
You rush to
When the sky doesn't
Accommodate you.

Yes, it's just when
The sky shows you
Your failure
And you feel
Out of place
In a place where
There is so much space
You rush to the corner.

Yet, you call the corner
A punishment.
How ungrateful are you?
How wretched are you?
How broken are you?




Monday, 24 July 2017

It's all fine!

You know everything is fine 
Just as fine you want to believe

Don't initiate those conversations
Where you want to dig the fine-ness.

It's all fine, the demons within
Will remain within and that's fine

Exposing those demons, hurricanes and tornados
Will kill our vibe of fine, so let it be.

You're asking me this question,
And you know I will give you that answer.

So, don't
Just don't

At least, for this one last time
Try to give in.

I am trying to not give up
But, my patience and perseverance...

Just let me sleep
thru all this

And wake me up
When it's okay to not be fine.



Saturday, 8 July 2017

Out of love - 83!

The glamour of expression lies in its power to reach the places where light has hit hard and darkness has refused to heal.
--------
Expression is revolutionary
--------
There must have been something that must have taught you to breath in a coffin.
---------
It's never a question that's answered, it's always an answer that leads to a question.
------
We're all slaves of science.
-------
And one day when it's gone forever, instead of staying forever just let that phase not be disgraceful
--------
And sometimes
And I repeat sometimes
You must slit open yourself
To just check that there's blood
And not venom,
Just not as yet, atleast
--------
You aren't doing justice if you're just crossing the boundary. Don't cross it, tear it, break it, destroy it to the point it never dares to stop someone from doing and believing what they are capable of!
--------
Things will eventually fall in place & after that they'll fall off. It's just winter summer spring & finally autumn.
--------
Sky is not the limit, it's just an evidence that limits are inexistent!

Thursday, 29 June 2017

Not for use!

So you think
I'm useless
Ha! You aren't wrong
I never said I'd be useful
I never claim to be
So either
Because, you know what
Whatever you use
You will eventually
If not immediately
Discard.

I'm not sacred of failures
Nor am I afraid of rejection
But, I don't deserve
To be thrown away
Just because you think
You're done with me.

I love you, obviously
But, I love myself too
And, the best deal
About this business of love
Is to not let anyone including self
Let you down
Or
Discard you
And so I choose
Not to be of
Any use to you.

Use-ables will be thrown
Unused would just be looked
Down upon
And in this quest
You could either do away
With looks
Or just remain
Shook with all
The filth a trash can
Can contain.

It's okay,
You don't have
To think
I've chosen
The easier option
The one in which
I might not fail
And that obviously
Is doing away
With looks.

I look at what
I want to
And if you
Look at me like
A hungry wolf
I'm sorry
I'll have to
Do away with
Your eyes
That once used
To keep me hook!



Sunday, 18 June 2017

Out of love - 82!

Love isn't meant to do any good to you, it just builds a crack in you where all the light can enter, they usually call that crack a heartbreak
-------
Our battles are more of giving in more than giving up.
---------
The only serious problem is that we don't take our serious problems seriously!
---------
We fuck up more than a lot of times, but let's not live in the delusion that it is all okay and normal. There is no pride or glory in screwing things up. It is shit. And shit can never be a perfume even if it is normal af! You fuck up, you suffer; that is it.
--------
Let the pain consume you;
Maybe that is the only way
You will realise how important
It is to not underestimate the same.

Rest assured, you'll emit all the gold and light in the end!y
---------
Write your autobiography and categorize it as fiction, because looking back is just as unreal as it gets!
----------
A shot in the heart kills
A shot through the heart doesn't let you die while killing you every moment
-----------
If you don't consume pain, then how will you bleed art?
--------
It's okay if you think my dreams are unreal, I've spent a major part of time believing the same too!
-----------
It's the lust for victory that has killed the humanity inside out!

किससे, कहानी और तुम!

ये जो कहानियाँ पढ़ कर तुम सब अपना दिल बहला लेते हो, उन कहानियों के पीछे छुपे क़िस्से को जानने का मन नहीं करता? ये जो तुम हर चीज़ को कह देते हो की ये सिर्फ़ कहानी उसके पीछे छुपी सचाई को देखने से डर लगता है क्या? हर कहानी क़िस्सों से बनती है, और क़िस्से बनते हैं ज़िंदगी के हर उस पल से जो इस बात का इल्म कर देके ये ज़िंदगी है और इसको जीना है. हाँ, यहाँ बहुत लोग हैं. इतने लोग की तुम शायद खो जाओ इनके. लेकिन कभी सोचा है इन सबके क़िस्से कहानी क्यूँ नहीं बन पाते? ये जो नहीं सोचने वाली सोच है ना, यही है जो हमें खा रही है. तुम्हें भी और मुझे भी. इससे पहले की यह हमे खा जाए अपना क़िस्सा किसी अपने को ज़रूर सुना देना, क्या पता उसे एक कहानी और तुम्हें एक दोस्त मिल जाए.

वैसे तो ऐसा कोई मिलेगा या नहीं यह कहना मुश्किल है लेकिन अगर तुम चाहो तो दीवारों को भी अपनी कहानी सुना सकते हो, वो क्या है ना दीवारों के कान होते हैं; और इंसानो की तरह ना दिल होता है ना दिमाग़. मैं भी आजकल अपनी दीवार को अपनी कहानी सुना रही हूँ और वो रोज़ बिना कुछ कहे सुन लेती है. सहारा भी दे देती है और छोड़ कर चले जाने वाली धमकी भी नहीं देती.

लेकिन तुम ऐसा मत करना, ख़ैर तुम्हारे पास तो लोग भी बहुत हैं इसलिए शायद मेरे लिए तुम 2 मिनट तक नहीं निकाल पाते, ख़ैर कोई बात नहीं कोई काम होगा; या फिर मुझसे ना बात करने वाला काम भी तो काम ही है तुम्हारे लिए वो ही काम शायद कर रहे होगे. कोई बात नहीं. अब मुझे आदत पड़ गयी है. लेकिन तुम्हें ऐसी आदत ना पड़े इसका मैं हमेशा पूरा ख़याल रखूँगी. लिखना तो नहीं चाहती लेकिन फिर भी लिख देती हूँ क्यूँकि वैसे भी रोज़ मन मारती ही हूँ तो आज एक और बार सही.

तुम बस अपना क़िस्सा सुनाते रहना हम भी सुनते रहेंगे, हमेशा.
                                         

Tuesday, 13 June 2017

It is not that bad, after all!

If you think hope
Keeps you intact
You aren't totally wrong
Because believe it or not
Our delusions and illusions
Have always been
As important as what
They call facts and science.

They won't let you
Believe in magic
Because that will
Fail their lust for
Logic and science
But, rest assured the
Components of your
Very own unheard
Dreams are as real.
This uncontrollable lust
For science and logic
Makes wars and times
Oh so tragic
Yet, they drool
All over that filth.

Don't be filthy
Don't be jealous
For an eye for
An makes the world blind.

Believe in love
And in peace
It's all real
Till you believe.

Don't spit the venom
Help people clean it
What's within
And around
For some have to give
For others to feel
The bliss of taking
The beauty that surrounds.


Thursday, 1 June 2017

कुछ अल्फ़ाज़ बस यूँही - 17!

इतनी समझ कभी ना आये, की मोहब्बत और भरोसा करने से पहले आँख खोलनी पड़े.
------
वक़्त आने पर अपनों का पता चले या ना चले, परायों का पता तो चल ही जाता है.
--------
तेरी हर ख़्वाहिश का ख़याल रखती हूँ
बस यूँही बेवजह
अपने हर ख़्वाब को भुला देती हूँ
बस यूँही बेवजह
तेरी हर मुस्कान की इबादत करती हूँ
बस यूँही बेवजह.

शायद इस बेवजह की
वजह से हूँ मैं आज
बस यूँही बेवजह.
----------
हालत का इल्म नहीं, और चले हैं हाल समझने.
--------
तो आज फिर, रात का अँधेरा और चाँद की रोशनी ही सुनेंगे मेरे किसे. वो जनाब बात कुछ यूँ है की लोग कहानियाँ पसंद करते हैं पर मेरे पास कहानी नहीं क़िस्से हैं. तो मैं इस अंधेरे में दुबकी हुई तन्हाई को ही सुना देती हूँ अपना किसा क्या पता ये तन्हाई ही इस क़िस्से में कोई कहानी ढूँढ़ ले.
-------
किसी ने कभी कहा नहीं था की सुकून आपके दर आएगा, अब आप ख़ुद ही ऐसे ख़्वाब देखें और ज़माने को दोष दें तो यह आपकी बेवक़ूफ़ी है.
-------
क्यूँकि ये प्यार सिर्फ़ मेरा है, और हमारा नहीं इसलिए इस प्यार का सारा दर्द मेरा और हर ख़ूबसूरत अहसास तुम्हारा. तुम्हारी ख़ुशी के लिए आज भी और हमेशा कुछ भी.
---------
ये ज़ख़्म भर जाएगा
इस ज़ख़्म का दर्द भी
हार मान जाएगा
पर इस ज़ख़्म का
एहसास एक दिन
किसी मंज़िल पर
पहुँचा कर ही मानेगा
-----------
तुम हमारी दाद दो या ना दो, हमारी शिद्दत की दाद तो देनी ही पड़ेगी. आसान थोड़ी है तुम्हारे जवाब ना देने के बाद भी हर रोज़ उम्मीद करना की तुम्हें हो ना हो हमारी फ़िक्र ना सही परवा तो है.
--------
अब मुझे मरहम का नहीं, उस ज़ख़्म का इन्तज़ार है जिसका मरहम मेरे पास है.
----------

Monday, 29 May 2017

Battle it, with love, dignity and grace!

The battle that we are
Trying to fight
Everyday
Every minute
Every second
Is not easy.

Yes, it's not easy
It never was
It never will be
But, does that mean
It's difficult?
Or does it mean
It's not just easy?

In this not so easy
Battle we all
Damage parts of us
Yes, including
The damn
Mind body and soul
But, does that mean
We give up?

Or do we ever give up
Or it's just always
Giving in and
Getting labeled
As if you
Gave up?

You give in
You lose
You give up
You lose 
You fight
You lose
You just lose
All the damn time.

But, still
Does that mean
You stop fighting?
Does that mean
You stop embracing
Your wounds?
Or does it just
Mean that
Anger, rage and disruption
Is not a battle
But a mere part of life
Which you can hug, kiss
And deal with it
With dignity and grace!


Wednesday, 24 May 2017

Out of love - 81!

All the pride you take in not giving a damn about each other, is actually the tightest slap on compassion and humanity.
-------
It's not dead. It's dying. The difference is what kills.
------
But, how will you destroy me when I've already destroyed myself for you!
-----
The purity of your hurt, still pains the pieces of me!
------
Don't pretend to empathise till the time you aren't equipped enough to embrace each other's everyday battles and struggles.
--------
Fragments of memoirs and fragrance of memories; kills and keeps me, together.
----------
With time, neither did I change nor did you; all that changed was our struggle and priority!
----------
When you end it, end it with grace, love and dignity; so that you don't demean what once was!
-------
I've finally made peace with the fact that you don't care, now the least you can do to and for me is not pretend to care, yet again!
----------
The inability of expression is what keeps the streak of expression alive.

Thursday, 11 May 2017

You know if you know!

You know if you know,
I love you and
You choose to exploit me
I won't be surprised,
Because, I've loved you
Loved you with all I've.

But, it's me who has
Made the choice to love you
Even if not consciously
Then maybe sub - consciously
And, you in no way
Are ever bound to love me back.

It's my love after all
My mistake or my solace
That's a problem
I deal with
And rest assured
You will never know
What good, bad and ugly it has
Done to me.

Now, that you've chosen
To exploit me
For all you want
I don't blame you
And I don't blame
Myself either
For getting exploited
Because, you know
I didn't use my head
To love.

Even after you've done
What to me wasn't the
Best you could
I still will choose
To love you
Yes, like always
As always
For that's what
I've known
And, rest assured
You won't be able to
Change that, ever.

Stay, be, do
What you may choose to
But, rest assured
I'll always be there for you
Even if you choose not to.



Friday, 5 May 2017

You know it because!

You know it
Because you made it
You made something similar
To what they call an artist
From a crazy escapist.

You know it
Because when academics
Had given up
And, people were totally fed up
You were there.

You know it because
When they thought
I had lost all my
Unfought battles
You thought how
Important it was to
End battles
Because, they anyway
Did no good.

You know it because
I would have never
Got ready at 6:30am
For something
I never knew
Could be real
Because I never
Gave it my best shot.

You know it because
When they were
Finding sins in my colours
And crimes in the strokes of my brush
You were there to call it
Art.

You know it because
It's only you who knows
The word ART
Has pinched me
Much more than my
Board exam result
My failed Physics exams
And more.

You know it because
When I would play Tabla
You would always want me
To cross a benchmark
That I had decided for myself
So, that I could sleep well that night.

You know it because
Every time I try to write
Something
You already know why I
Wrote it.

You know it because
Every time I had a bad day
And you would call up
And say, "Are you at Perch again?"
And with that question
You would just say
"Don't worry, it's all sorted"

You know it because
Every time I would
Enter Triveni you knew
I was looking for something
That could heal my soul
And ease my mind.

You know it because
When people are
All busy giving me
Blue ticks on Whatsapp
You were right there sitting
Right across me not letting me
Take a selfie with you
So that our memories
Couldn't have memoirs
And once you were gone
I wouldn't have to bear
The pain of our heartfelt memories.

You know it because
I have never spoken
To you about my problems
Because you already knew the
Hurricane inside me
And always had that answer
"No sorrow deserves more than 72 hours"

But,
Now you're gone
You aren't even gone
You're dead
And I don't know how
To proceed ahead.

It's been exactly
3 days and I'm over the sorrow
Or that's what I want to believe
Because that's what you said
But, what do I do with that
Hollow thing
Which is not letting my lungs
Function properly ?

You told me how to deal
With failure and sorrow
But, how did you forget
To tell me what do I do
With a feeling so
Suffocating and hollow?

You know, Dada
You know it because
You just always know
Everything because
You just do.

It's okay dada,
Don't worry, it'll all be good
Even if it's up there
Or down here
Don't worry!


Saturday, 29 April 2017

Out of love - 80!

You know what matters?
NOTHING.
--------
Our stories are nothing but a little exaggeration of incidents and accidents that happen everyday!
--------
Love is not a land that you share,
It's like the air that surrounds.
Love flows.
-------
Let's just accept that we aren't afraid of people leaving us, what scares us is the fact that they'd move on & we wouldn't!
---------
You're strong you survived with the poison, the world is weak don't let it out; they will lose faith in the good that the world has.
-------
You're one of those mistakes that I want to forget but not erase.
---------
This pain,
Doesn't haunt
Or love me
Anymore.
---------
You can't en-cash the hurt, but if you don't en-cash your pain you are just losing an opportunity!
---------
Drink poison if you must to strive, survive and conquer.
------
How I wish we could love each other instead of just fixing ourselves under the garb of love, solace or whatever.


                                   

Saturday, 22 April 2017

Let this pain be!

Tonight I don't want to
Get over this pain
The pain which is
Making every cell
Of my body scream.

Yes! I don't want it
To get over.
I want this pain
To kill the loner in me
The one which wants
Someone to listen.

It's high time this pain
Realises that the urge
For warmth especially during
The times of pain and trauma
Isn't the thing I can get it.

Yes, every cell is screaming
With every cell screaming
A part of heart is breaking
But, that doesn't mean
I get the licence to seek warmth.

All this pain and hurt and hollowness
Doesn't make me The nizam of Hyderabad
Who would have 100 people around
Just when I wanted
There's nobody.

I want this pain
To make the
Hopeful heart realise
The fact that
This hollowness, will stay.

The hollowness,
Hopefully, will leave
In a decade or more
But till then
This craving has to go.

And no,
There's nobody to be blamed, either
It's just me
And the power
I derive from the pain,
Tonight.