Story!

Recently,
I've started hating
Those story tellers
That, I once used to love.

No, not because
I have lost
Interest in them,
Stories.

But,
Simply because
My very own story,
Not the romantic love story,
Obviously.

The story which I
Had lived,
The one in which
I had acted well
And directed it
Very well
But,
Unfortunately you
Didn't find it
Very well.

The story
That I had
Dreamt
Planned
And
Imagined,
Suddenly lost
It's charm.

I was no more
About stories and conversations
I became more of
Vicious anxities
And
Truck loads of hesitation.

I had stopped
Loving my breaths
My fears of death died
I felt numb.

But,
Assembled myself
As if I was
Just fine.

I lied,
To myself
I forgot to
Cry, for myself.

My story and I
Had lost
Their glory.

I was a waste, then
But, I feel wasted now
Maybe, because I've
Just tasted truth, somehow.

Desperate!

You think I'm desperate
And, I know I am
I am, because
I have always wanted
You to define my forever.

Yes! You,
And, trust me
I'm much more desperate
Than what I sound usually.

You know there's
This strange thing
That I have,
Very strange thing.

The thing is
I know I am
Desperate
You know that too.

Yet, I pretend
Not to be one
Despite of knowing
That you and I
Both know
That how desperate I am.

I have always
Thought of figuring this out
But, I didn't
Because, I couldn't
And, even if I did
You wouldn't believe me,
Would you?

I equate you
With forevers
And worlds
And universes.

But, not so luckily
You equate me
With something
Which is worse
Than nothing.

I desperately
Want, need and desire
To hate you
But, always end up
Loving you.

You know why?
Because, I'm desperate
Very desperate
To keep, you!

How would you know?

You know what
No! Wait,
You don't know.

How would you
Know something
I am going thru?

No matter how
Many times you
Had promised me
A sinful forever .

But,
Then who keeps promises
In an era of documents
And revenges.
Right?

How would you know
How much it takes in me
To stay away from you .

How would you know
How many times
My heart has bled
Just because of you.

How would you know
The nights that I have
Spent regretting
My existence
Just because
I gave you
All of me.

How would you know
That I die everyday
Bit by bit
Just because my life
Meant you
My heartbeat was your smile
My healer were your eyes
And my oxygen
Was your presence.

Forget it,
Oh wait!
You have already
Forgotten it,
Anyway
I am the foolish one here
You see.

I am the one who
Is still hanging on
And maybe secretly hoping
That you will come to me
Someday if not today.

But,
Alas! Now I feel
Hope will also ditch me
One day like you
Ditched me on
Some goddamn day.

Stay happy
Keep smiling
I will also
Hopefully learn
How to come over
This regular
Gradual
Dying .

Out of love - 56!

Unchanneled energies and memories of the beloved, yet they thought why she was restless all the time.
---------
They are not interested in your story. But, if you tell them your story which sounds like theirs they will be all ears, always.
---------
Healing is not necessary, moving on is.
--------
If everyone gets busy in printing notes then who will create them, memories?
--------
You make promises and I keep them not because you can't but because I know you won't. I'm not important to you and you are what importance means to me.
----------
Long conversations
And
Sensless discussions
May or may not
Lead to some place
But,
They make us smile.
And you and I
Just do fine
With them.
--------
In the end all that we are trying to do is either make an impact or leave an impression. Everything zeroes down to this.
----------
That thing which makes me restless and breathless, together makes me fall harder for them. Them, dreams
--------
"Don't celebrate me, I'm not your emotion.
Don't mourn because of me, I'm immortal
I will remain what I am, nasty and beautiful
I am flow and flight"

Said the spirit of art to the mind.
---------
When the light burns my eyes and happiness seems out of sight, it is you whose arms provide me shade and delight

An endless end!

The end is never easy
It never has been
It never will be,
But,
Do we really seek
The end
or is it just
A craving to 

End the pain 

And the restlessness 

That comes along? 

You can't put 

A full stop 

Before you've 

Completed a wordy sentence 

Similarly,

You can't kiss death

Until and unless 

You've lived life 

With its ugly 

And pretty side.

I know this 

Meeting ends 

And deadlines 

Business is 

Very suffocating 

And

Extremely tiring 

But,

Maybe 

This is the reason 

Why we know

What freedom is like,

That thing which 

Seems unattainable 

Becomes the goal 

And ultimately 

It blesses you too.

After every full stop 

Shakes hands with the 

Last word 

A new line

A new beginning 

Embraces the world 

Likewise,

It's after death 

A man becomes free

From the world 

While, another says hello

To the world.

Old world 

New people 

Ends and beginnings

Life and death 

All coming to a full circle.

Travel Alone!

There's something about travel
And more so about travelling alone
Being alone never feels lonely
It's something very strange
Yet, very very special.

It's something that
Brings peace
Unadulterated peace, to me
Atleast.
I don't feel the need
To dig to my soul
And introspect
For my share of
Solitude.

It's feels like
Everything is moving
And I am my own constant
Flowing and flying
At my own pace
At ease
With peace.

Change!

The world is huge
Really really huge
And all of us here
Are mere puppets
Yet, we think
We can change
Change the world
The universe
The system
The cycle
The creation.

Don't worry
That change which
You crave for
May or may not happen
But, change will occur
Automatically
Very smoothly and naturally.

No! Don't give up
Your fight to bring
About a difference
Don't fear
The cyclones
And
The tsunamis
They are a part of
Your fight
And
Are essential for
Change's flight.

Don't worry if you
Can't help millions
Help one
And be an inspiration
To gazillions.

You may not help all
You can't
It's not humanly possible
But that doesn't mean
You stop your struggle.

Struggle, fight, rebel
Scream instead of murmering
Scream with all your might
And say
Goodbye to the plight
Step by step
You and change will
Hold hands
And together will
Make existence
More beautiful
More soulful
And
Less stressful.

Be restless
And breathless
But
Don't forget to
Pause when required
And stop when desired
You are what you
Want to be
And
Not what you
Merely dream to be.

You are
Because
You can
And that's
All that can
Bring, accept and evolve
The change.

कुछ अलफ़ाज़, बस यूँ ही -11!

तब तुम थे, अब मैं हूँ। हम तो खैर ना तब थे, ना अब हैं।
-------
अब हार भी गए तो क्या ?
अब अगर जीत को ना चूम पाए तो क्या ?
अब तुम हो
और
वो मेरी जीत भी है और कामीयाबी भी |
---------

कितनी अजीब बात है, तुम मेरी चाहत से ज़रूरत बन गई और तुम्हें पता भी नहीं चला। मैं के रह गयी और तुम्हें दिखा भी नहीं। 

--------

इज़हार के इंतज़ार मे काफी गलतियां भी की कुछ मौके भी गवाए |

-----------

गिरने से हार नहीं होती। हार तो सिर्फ हार मनाने से होती है।

---------- 

मुझे सपनें और कहानियाँ इसलिए नहीं पसंद क्यूँकि वो मेरे ना चाहते हुए भी वो या तो अधूरे रह जाते हैं या फिर खत्म हो जाते हैं ।

----------

नींद कहाँ से आएगी 

जब तन्हा रातें 

अस्मंजस में बिताई जाएँगी...

--------

स्वाभिमान और अभिमान में  उतना ही फर्क होता है जितना की लालच और तरकी में होता है.

---------

दिल तोड़ दिया, चलो कोई बात नहीं पर अन विश्वास पर प्रहार मत करना |

--------

रातें और यादें जितनी उलझी रहें उतना कम दर्द होती है। 

Memory's nature!

There is something
About memories
That makes me
Restless
Very very restless.

They are
Hazy, entangled
Chaotic, useless
Yet,
Beautiful
Or
Beautifully painful.

Maybe it's the reason
Behind my scars
But,
At times it's
The healer
For my wounds too.

They don't make sense
They never really felt the need to
They've been there
Just like that
In some corner of my head
Which probably doesn't
Keep them safe
And
Maybe, that's why
They are vulnerable
All the time.

And just maybe, again
That is why they feel
The need to flash and pop
Whenever they feel insecure.
You can't ignore them
For they will snatch your
Attention, anyway.

They, the memories.

An artwork!

My life is
Not a story
It is
An artwork.

An artwork
Which has
A combination of letters
An essence of colours
And the flavour of memories
It is my compilation
Of the good
The bad
And
The ugly,
Of course.

Time zones
Working hours
Expensive watches
Cheap time
All that which
Has restricted me
Over the time.

An artwork
Which I have
Nurtured and hated
Simultaneously.
The expressions that
Remained unexpressed
And the pain
Which felt unacknowledged
It has all of that.

It is a creation, first
And a masterpiece, next
It is mine
With a bit of you too.

Unknowing the known?

I know
You know
What you mean
To me
In fact,
You know
It better
You really do.

But,
I still fear
Fear to lose you
The horror of
Letting you go
Kills me.

I know
I am not
The only one
I never was
I never will be
But, that space
I have in your
Life is sufficient
Just sufficient
To help me fight
And struggle with life.

I don't want you
To be mine
I never wanted that
But the essence
Of you
Is a part of life
Now.

Your presence matters
Matters very much
I may do without you
But, I won't be
What I am with you
A little happy
A bit hippy
And
A little crazy too
I love that me
Don't leave me.
Please.

Out of love - 55!

I maybe one of yours but you are the one with whom I equate my all.
---------
I prefer nevers instead of forevers. Atleast the nevers are real unlike the mythical forevers.
--------
I have nurtured my art with my wounds, scars and unwept tears. Dare you call it a skill, it is a sin. A sin that this sinner is proud of.

--------

To a sinner, the ability to sin is its strength and weakness. And I'm a sinner, the one who sins with every breath.

---------

Back then, I lived to die, and today I die to live.

--------

I don't think anyone is born an optimist. It's the constant pesmisim in our everyday life which finally tends to saturate and that is how you ultimately become a pseudo optimistic human.

---------

A glimpse of your eyes heals my soul like some divine light.

-----------

Six word stories: An everyday conversation.

--------

Insomnia: A state of unsaid stories.

--------

Will you agree, when they can't?

Unedited and unfiltered!

I know people
Have bigger
Troubles and miseries.
There struggles
Are harder
Than mine.
But,
I'm not them
And
They are not mine.

My struggle is
Difficult for me
It really is
I find it tough
Very tough
And,
I don't want
To know
How weak I am
Because my struggle
Ain't that tough
According to you.

You are pretending
To be strong
And so am I
Both of us
Are drained emotionally
Yet, we deny.

Pretending to be strong
Feeling weak
Is all of this
A big deal?
No, it's not
We are used to it
Now.

The thorns that
Pierced my heart then
Have lost their sharpness
And
My heart
Àlready, is on a path of
Numbness.

Leave or stay
Love or hate
Juge or don't
The best,
You can do is
Let me be
The way I am
Unedited
And
Unfiltered.

Trust me,
I will learn
To breathe
Freely,
Yet, again.

You know what!

You know what
I need you
Much more
Than I love you.

You are my
Go to
And you know that
More than I do .

It's your fault
That I got used to you
It was my luck
That I stumbled upon you.

Friends, they say
Best friends, they know
But, we are more than those
And that we know.

I am a sinful mess
But you dealt with it
Without a single minute
Of rest.

I am a sinner
You know
But you loved me
The way I was.

I have a million flaws
I gave you a gazillion reasons
To leave
But, you still didn't fly away.

We flew together
Fell together
Laughed together
And sighed together.

This together
Is my strength
And my weakness too
For losing you
Would kill me
Before death
Would ever do.

Out of love - 54!

If you are not lost, there is no way in which you can find yourself.
---------
All I can do tonight is wait and hope for the morning to be bright.
--------
I am keeper first and a lover next. A keeper of your smiles and the lover of your eyes.
--------
You won't let me live,
You won't let me die either
The least you can do is
Stop contaminating my breath
---------
One day time will lose and I will laugh as never before. Yes, one day, very soon.
-------
The rain drops heal my bruises, but after its done the silence scratches them all over again. Temporary healers, constant wounds.
---------
I wonder how people find jokes when life itself is one
--------
If I don't get any
Which I'm almost sure
I won't get
I'll just do the damn
Thing myself
Unless I forget..
----------
In this quest to love you with all of me did I forget to accept and smile because of myself?
--------
Every moment that we have lived, together
Every memory which we have created, together
Is a beautiful treasure
Yet, I regret creating it.