There's something about travel
And more so about travelling alone
Being alone never feels lonely
It's something very strange
Yet, very very special.
It's something that
Brings peace
Unadulterated peace, to me
Atleast.
I don't feel the need
To dig to my soul
And introspect
For my share of
Solitude.
It's feels like
Everything is moving
And I am my own constant
Flowing and flying
At my own pace
At ease
With peace.
The world is huge
Really really huge
And all of us here
Are mere puppets
Yet, we think
We can change
Change the world
The universe
The system
The cycle
The creation.
Don't worry
That change which
You crave for
May or may not happen
But, change will occur
Automatically
Very smoothly and naturally.
No! Don't give up
Your fight to bring
About a difference
Don't fear
The cyclones
And
The tsunamis
They are a part of
Your fight
And
Are essential for
Change's flight.
Don't worry if you
Can't help millions
Help one
And be an inspiration
To gazillions.
You may not help all
You can't
It's not humanly possible
But that doesn't mean
You stop your struggle.
Struggle, fight, rebel
Scream instead of murmering
Scream with all your might
And say
Goodbye to the plight
Step by step
You and change will
Hold hands
And together will
Make existence
More beautiful
More soulful
And
Less stressful.
Be restless
And breathless
But
Don't forget to
Pause when required
And stop when desired
You are what you
Want to be
And
Not what you
Merely dream to be.
You are
Because
You can
And that's
All that can
Bring, accept and evolve
The change.
There is something
About memories
That makes me
Restless
Very very restless.
They are
Hazy, entangled
Chaotic, useless
Yet,
Beautiful
Or
Beautifully painful.
Maybe it's the reason
Behind my scars
But,
At times it's
The healer
For my wounds too.
They don't make sense
They never really felt the need to
They've been there
Just like that
In some corner of my head
Which probably doesn't
Keep them safe
And
Maybe, that's why
They are vulnerable
All the time.
And just maybe, again
That is why they feel
The need to flash and pop
Whenever they feel insecure.
You can't ignore them
For they will snatch your
Attention, anyway.
They, the memories.
My life is
Not a story
It is
An artwork.
An artwork
Which has
A combination of letters
An essence of colours
And the flavour of memories
It is my compilation
Of the good
The bad
And
The ugly,
Of course.
Time zones
Working hours
Expensive watches
Cheap time
All that which
Has restricted me
Over the time.
An artwork
Which I have
Nurtured and hated
Simultaneously.
The expressions that
Remained unexpressed
And the pain
Which felt unacknowledged
It has all of that.
It is a creation, first
And a masterpiece, next
It is mine
With a bit of you too.
I know
You know
What you mean
To me
In fact,
You know
It better
You really do.
But,
I still fear
Fear to lose you
The horror of
Letting you go
Kills me.
I know
I am not
The only one
I never was
I never will be
But, that space
I have in your
Life is sufficient
Just sufficient
To help me fight
And struggle with life.
I don't want you
To be mine
I never wanted that
But the essence
Of you
Is a part of life
Now.
Your presence matters
Matters very much
I may do without you
But, I won't be
What I am with you
A little happy
A bit hippy
And
A little crazy too
I love that me
Don't leave me.
Please.
I know people
Have bigger
Troubles and miseries.
There struggles
Are harder
Than mine.
But,
I'm not them
And
They are not mine.
My struggle is
Difficult for me
It really is
I find it tough
Very tough
And,
I don't want
To know
How weak I am
Because my struggle
Ain't that tough
According to you.
You are pretending
To be strong
And so am I
Both of us
Are drained emotionally
Yet, we deny.
Pretending to be strong
Feeling weak
Is all of this
A big deal?
No, it's not
We are used to it
Now.
The thorns that
Pierced my heart then
Have lost their sharpness
And
My heart
Àlready, is on a path of
Numbness.
Leave or stay
Love or hate
Juge or don't
The best,
You can do is
Let me be
The way I am
Unedited
And
Unfiltered.
Trust me,
I will learn
To breathe
Freely,
Yet, again.
You know what
I need you
Much more
Than I love you.
You are my
Go to
And you know that
More than I do .
It's your fault
That I got used to you
It was my luck
That I stumbled upon you.
Friends, they say
Best friends, they know
But, we are more than those
And that we know.
I am a sinful mess
But you dealt with it
Without a single minute
Of rest.
I am a sinner
You know
But you loved me
The way I was.
I have a million flaws
I gave you a gazillion reasons
To leave
But, you still didn't fly away.
We flew together
Fell together
Laughed together
And sighed together.
This together
Is my strength
And my weakness too
For losing you
Would kill me
Before death
Would ever do.
कितनी अजीब बात है, की तुम जो चाहते हो वो मैं बन नहीं पाई | तुम जो देखते हो वो भी मैं हूँ नहीं और जो तुम देखना चाहते हो वो भी नहीं हूँ मैं | पता नहीं क्या हूँ, कौन हूँ कुछ हूँ या फिर कुछ हूँ भी या नहीं |
तुम अपनी जिद्द चद नहीं सकते और मैं अपनी लड़ाई से मुंह मोड़ नहीं सकती | शायद हम दोनों एक ही असमंजस में हैं | तुम्हे लगता है की तुम्हारी जीत में मेरी हार होगी या फिर ये लगता होगा की मेरी जीत में तुम्हारी हार है | मुझे हमेशाकी तराह तुमसे कुछ अलग लगता है, मुझे यह लगता है की जिस दिन मेरी हार पे तुम्हे गर्व होगा, जिस दिन तुम मुझे उस हार जीत के आलावा देखोगे उस दिन मैं हर लड़ाई, हर जंग जीत जाउंगी |
मेरी लड़ाई मेरी जिद्द नहीं ज़रुरत है, शायद तुम्हारी जिद्द तुम्हारी ज़रुरत हो | पर ये बात तो माननी ही पड़ेगी की ना तुम बदलोगे ना मैं |
किस्मत आज तुम्हारे साथ है शायद कल पलट के किसी और की तरफ चली जाये, चिंता मत करो मेरी तरफ नहीं आएगी क्यूंकि किस्मत अच्छे लोगों की मोहताज होती है और मुझे अच्छाई और मोहताजों दोनों ही पसंद नहीं हैं |
जब तक हम दोनों हैं तब तक इसी आग में हमारे सपनों की आहूति चढ़ेगी ही | अब तो ये आग भी मेरी दोस्त है, इसमें जल कर राख होते हुए अपने अज़ीज़ खवाबों और अपनेअकेलेपन को पनपते देखा है |
तुम जो कर सकते हो करो मुझे जो करना है वो तो मैं करके ही रहूंगी |
'What are you doing with your life?"
Asked the mind to the heart.
"Juggling, tossing, wasting, ruining or something else?"
Heart very timidly replied,
"I'm trying to flow in this stagnation, but in this quest of trying the strong tsunami took me away and they thought I had moved on."
I know you think
My problems
My worries
My miseries
Are all kidish
And to you
They maybe.
You are not me
And you must
Have seen life
Differently
And that is
Absolutely how
Things are supposed to be.
I am not supposed
To understand your
Pattern of life
And
You aren't bound
To do that, either.
But,
In the end
What matters is
My fight
My struggle
My journey
Yes, it does
Matter to me
You may find
It silly, as usual.
Our fights and struggles
Are different
They always have been
They always will be
I am a warrior
And I am sure
You are one too.
Let's fight our
Battles
And
Not start a battle
Amongst ourselves
It's not worth it,
You know.
You will never know
How many sleepless nights
I spend just because
Our memories
Which I planned to cherish
Now haunt me.
You will never know
The hurricane in my chest
Which occurs every time
You shamelessly
Choose to ignore me
You will never know
How much I hate myself
For falling for you so hard
That I ended up
Forgetting how to get up
All by myself.
You will never know
Your worth and value
In my life because
For you I meant nothing
But you were the one who
Defined everything to and for me
You will never know
How broken I feel right now
Because you aren't there by my side
Or maybe you never were by my side
It was always me for you
And never vice versa
You will never know
The number of times
I question myself every damn day
For I have started doubting myself
In every field that I go to
Every dream that I ever saw
Now seems to be unreal
You will never know
How destroyed my faith is in
Love, bonds and forevers.
You made me believe in all that
And now I can't afford to believe all that
Because of the reason who made me believe
In all of that.
You will never know
You just won't.
Sigh.
It's strange how you
use the same trick
again and again
to break my heart
and
shred my soul
and
I let you do that
Again and again. .
I feel hurt
I feel shredded
I feel shattered
And
A lot more
But who would
Care to listen
To all of that
Again and again
You called me your
Constant, back then
And
I craved to call you
My constant
But, I couldn't
Because you just
Wouldn't, let me
Even after I did
Everything that I
Could
Should
And
Would
Again and again.
I'm an Iron man ?
Or a Superman ?
Who'd be there
Every time you
Wanted
Needed
Required
Desired
I'm glad if you think so
But,
The point is I'm not
Even if you
Think that way
Again and again.
I'm a human
Just the way
You are.
And
I'm little more
Than too tired
Of being what I'm not
Again and again.
I also crave for a smile
Once in a while
I also desire for a time
When you can at least
Listen to me
Even if you can't be
With me
But,
I know
I'll be doing this
All by myself
All over again
Because that's how
It happens
Again and again.
My college has finally come to an end. After doing a course that I never wanted to yet creating the best memories possible, these three years have been magical. Some say it’s an end of a chapter while the rest say it’s like getting back to square one because you have to decide what to do with life all over again. I don’t know what it actually is. It’s a very strange feeling, one of those feelings which I may not be able to articulate very well.
The course in which I will get my degree seems to be the most irrelevant part of my college life. What has mattered to me the most in these three years is the kind of people I have come across. The people with whom I shared a lot, learnt a lot and most importantly enjoyed a lot. The family that I found here has been the best thing ever and I shall be forever indebted to this college for the same.
Working 8 hours a day for cultural festivals and making last moment presentations for department seminars and most importantly being the anchor of all events that ever happened in that dusty old star. I was very skeptical about my college but as time passed I fell in love with that place and it’s people.
My school taught me how to cage myself and be disciplined and my college taught me how to fly while keeping your feet on the ground. Both institutions have done the best to and for me but my college will always have a upper hand when it comes to comparison with school.
This is yet another phase of life which has come to an end only to welcome the new exciting and hopefully a bright phase.
Also on:
“End of just another phase!” @devyanikitu https://medium.com/@devyanikitu/end-of-just-another-phase-b45a3e775d6
