Battle it, with love, dignity and grace!

The battle that we are
Trying to fight
Everyday
Every minute
Every second
Is not easy.

Yes, it's not easy
It never was
It never will be
But, does that mean
It's difficult?
Or does it mean
It's not just easy?

In this not so easy
Battle we all
Damage parts of us
Yes, including
The damn
Mind body and soul
But, does that mean
We give up?

Or do we ever give up
Or it's just always
Giving in and
Getting labeled
As if you
Gave up?

You give in
You lose
You give up
You lose 

You fight
You lose
You just lose
All the damn time.

But, still
Does that mean
You stop fighting?
Does that mean
You stop embracing
Your wounds?

Or does it just
Mean that
Anger, rage and disruption
Is not a battle
But a mere part of life
Which you can hug, kiss
And deal with it
With dignity and grace!

Out of love - 81!

All the pride you take in not giving a damn about each other, is actually the tightest slap on compassion and humanity.
-------
It's not dead. It's dying. The difference is what kills.
------
But, how will you destroy me when I've already destroyed myself for you!
-----
The purity of your hurt, still pains the pieces of me!
------
Don't pretend to empathise till the time you aren't equipped enough to embrace each other's everyday battles and struggles.
--------
Fragments of memoirs and fragrance of memories; kills and keeps me, together.
----------
With time, neither did I change nor did you; all that changed was our struggle and priority!
----------
When you end it, end it with grace, love and dignity; so that you don't demean what once was!
-------
I've finally made peace with the fact that you don't care, now the least you can do to and for me is not pretend to care, yet again!
----------
The inability of expression is what keeps the streak of expression alive.

You know if you know!

You know if you know,
I love you and
You choose to exploit me
I won't be surprised,
Because, I've loved you
Loved you with all I've.

But, it's me who has
Made the choice to love you
Even if not consciously
Then maybe sub - consciously
And, you in no way
Are ever bound to love me back.

It's my love after all
My mistake or my solace
That's a problem
I deal with
And rest assured
You will never know
What good, bad and ugly it has
Done to me.

Now, that you've chosen
To exploit me
For all you want
I don't blame you
And I don't blame
Myself either
For getting exploited
Because, you know
I didn't use my head
To love.

Even after you've done
What to me wasn't the
Best you could
I still will choose
To love you
Yes, like always
As always
For that's what
I've known
And, rest assured
You won't be able to
Change that, ever.

Stay, be, do
What you may choose to
But, rest assured
I'll always be there for you
Even if you choose not to.

You know it because!

You know it
Because you made it
You made something similar
To what they call an artist
From a crazy escapist.

You know it
Because when academics
Had given up
And, people were totally fed up
You were there.

You know it because
When they thought
I had lost all my
Unfought battles
You thought how
Important it was to
End battles

Because, they anyway
Did no good.

You know it because
I would have never
Got ready at 6:30am
For something
I never knew
Could be real
Because I never
Gave it my best shot.

You know it because
When they were
Finding sins in my colours
And crimes in the strokes of my brush
You were there to call it
Art.

You know it because
It's only you who knows
The word ART
Has pinched me
Much more than my
Board exam result
My failed Physics exams
And more.

You know it because
When I would play Tabla
You would always want me
To cross a benchmark
That I had decided for myself
So, that I could sleep well that night.

You know it because
Every time I try to write
Something
You already know why I
Wrote it.

You know it because
Every time I had a bad day
And you would call up
And say, "Are you at Perch again?"
And with that question
You would just say
"Don't worry, it's all sorted"

You know it because
Every time I would
Enter Triveni you knew
I was looking for something
That could heal my soul
And ease my mind.

You know it because
When people are
All busy giving me
Blue ticks on Whatsapp
You were right there sitting
Right across me not letting me
Take a selfie with you
So that our memories
Couldn't have memoirs
And once you were gone
I wouldn't have to bear
The pain of our heartfelt memories.

You know it because
I have never spoken
To you about my problems

Because you already knew the
Hurricane inside me
And always had that answer
"No sorrow deserves more than 72 hours"

But,
Now you're gone
You aren't even gone
You're dead
And I don't know how
To proceed ahead.

It's been exactly
3 days and I'm over the sorrow
Or that's what I want to believe
Because that's what you said
But, what do I do with that
Hollow thing
Which is not letting my lungs
Function properly ?

You told me how to deal
With failure and sorrow
But, how did you forget
To tell me what do I do
With a feeling so
Suffocating and hollow?

You know, Dada
You know it because
You just always know
Everything because
You just do.

It's okay dada,
Don't worry, it'll all be good
Even if it's up there
Or down here
Don't worry!

Out of love - 80!

You know what matters?
NOTHING.
--------
Our stories are nothing but a little exaggeration of incidents and accidents that happen everyday!
--------
Love is not a land that you share,
It's like the air that surrounds.
Love flows.
-------
Let's just accept that we aren't afraid of people leaving us, what scares us is the fact that they'd move on & we wouldn't!
---------
You're strong you survived with the poison, the world is weak don't let it out; they will lose faith in the good that the world has.
-------
You're one of those mistakes that I want to forget but not erase.
---------
This pain,
Doesn't haunt
Or love me
Anymore.
---------
You can't en-cash the hurt, but if you don't en-cash your pain you are just losing an opportunity!
---------
Drink poison if you must to strive, survive and conquer.
------
How I wish we could love each other instead of just fixing ourselves under the garb of love, solace or whatever.

                                   

Let this pain be!

Tonight I don't want to
Get over this pain
The pain which is
Making every cell
Of my body scream.

Yes! I don't want it
To get over.
I want this pain
To kill the loner in me
The one which wants
Someone to listen.

It's high time this pain
Realises that the urge
For warmth especially during
The times of pain and trauma
Isn't the thing I can get it.

Yes, every cell is screaming
With every cell screaming
A part of heart is breaking
But, that doesn't mean
I get the licence to seek warmth.

All this pain and hurt and hollowness
Doesn't make me The nizam of Hyderabad
Who would have 100 people around
Just when I wanted
There's nobody.

I want this pain
To make the
Hopeful heart realise
The fact that
This hollowness, will stay.

The hollowness,
Hopefully, will leave
In a decade or more
But till then
This craving has to go.

And no,
There's nobody to be blamed, either
It's just me
And the power
I derive from the pain,
Tonight.

Ignorance, magic, gratitude!

If you're thinking
How often does your ignorance
Trouble me
Just know that it does
Every second.

Yes! Every second
I am thankful that now
It just hurts
And doesn't ache
That often.

Your blue ticks
Your seen notifications
Your constant updates
On Snapchat
And yet no replies
Have made me an artist.

For an artist
Consumes pain
And
Generates art
Magic and stardust.

It's okay,
You won't understand
For you aren't what I'm
And
I'm not what you're.

But,
Since my love
For you is
As eternal as
It can possibly be.

And so,
I will always
Be grateful
For what we
Once were.

You then
Made me a lover
And
Today an artist
How do I hate you?

When you've
Just beenS different
Forms of magic
Even in the
Times so tragic.

Us, humans!

The thing about us,
Humans is
That we run after perfection
While the imperfection
Winks at the perfection.

It's about how we
Love tattoos
And lose all of it
When we see or
Are reminded of our scars
This discrimination
This notion
Of the right
And the wrong
Kills us,
Kills us everyday.

We're humans
Who fear death
While we're all
Internally dead.

Our souls numb
And hearts in pieces
We flaunt our heads
As if it creates masterpieces.

It's all about this race
And race has never been
Good or kind
It just brings failure
And makes happiness
Difficult to find.

Out of love - 79!

Faith is a choice that you make,
If someone shreds it,
It's your bad,
You may choose to regret
Or deny,
As per your comfort
-------
From crying over broken toys to now hiding tears over broken hearts, we just realised growing up was not difficult; it was and still is down right fatal.
--------
There ain't a joke bigger, funnier and uglier than life.
--------
Time can do nothing, but pass and change. Such a coward, time!
----------
Past is not trash, it's just ash
---------
In the end you survive because the survival needs you.
---------
In life so hollow,
Is there any hope
That light may follow?
--------
It doesn't hurt everyday,
It just pinches once in a while and
that's exactly when you realize,
that it has been there, throughout
and you had just chosen to not acknowledge it,
when it was giving subtle signals.
-------
The thing is that they're all the same; just temporary and fake.
-------
You know what?
Your heart didn't age
And
Your passion didn't die
And, that's exactly what your head can't handle.
Hence, the mess/ chaos!

Faith, love, magic!

So,
You want to know what
Faith, magic, love
Looks, sounds like?
Just know that it
Doesn't look or sound
For it's not a mere mortal
Like you and me.

It's the power that
Has kept the Earth rotating
And our hearts beating
It's that version of oxygen
Which you and I can't define
But can't do without either.

It's the magic that your faith
Does to my inability to love
And be loved.

Dare you call it unreal
It may not be what your science
Can define
It may not be the essential
That your institution teaches
But,
It still is in you.

Yes! You.
The one who wants to
Wish as soon as it
Sees a shooting star,
The one who wants to
Pause for a while at 11:11
The one who finds infinity
In your lovers eyes.

Magic, faith, love.
Eat, prey, repeat.
Aren't meaningless
They're just a combination
Of unexpressed emotions
And unacknowledged feelings.

कुछ अलफ़ाज़, बस यूँ ही -16!

पहले पानी प्यास बुझाता था, अब आंसुओं ने पानी की अहमीयत ही खत्म कर दी और प्यास अपने आप ही मर गयी.
--------
क्या तुम्हें मेरी बातों में अपने लिये इंतजार महसूस नहीं होता?
क्या तुम्हें मेरी बेचैनी में अपनी चिंता नज़र नहीं आती?
---------
बात तो तुम में ज़रूर कुछ है,
जो तुम मुझे मेरे ही इज़हार में
मेरी खुद की हार दिखा देते हो।
-------
ख़ासियत है ग़म की, हमेशा अकेला ही आता है.
ना ख़ुशि का साया ना उम्मीद की किरण.
-------
तन्हाई से रिहाई की भीख माँग कर भी अब थक चुकी हूँ.
---------

समझ तो ख़ैर नहीं पायी हूँ

लेकिन फिर भी 

बस इतना जान गयी हूँ 

की ज़्यादा प्यार और घुटन 

में कुछ ख़ास फ़र्क़ नहीं होता 

-------

लगता है इस खेल में नए हो,

इसीलिए शायद 

मोहब्बत से क़ायदे की

और वक़्त से भरोसे 

की उमीद पाल रहे हो 

--------

हर रास्ते को मंज़िल मिल जाए ये ज़रूरी नहीं

लेकिन, हर मंज़िल का रास्ता तो होता ही है 

--------

अब तो नींद की फ़ितरत भी इंसानों जैसी हो गयी है,

जब मन करता है तब दग़ा दे जाती है।

------

अधूरी अर्ज़िश का नाम ही शायद ख़्वाहिश है।

Out of love - 78!

That crack in my soul that you and i refuse to acknowledge is exactly the place where my stream of art flows from!
--------
To you your vulnerability is beautiful, but for the world it'll always be an opportunity to exploit.
---------
Next time before I ask you for anything I will certainly remind my self to not ask you
---------
There wouldn't have been any heart ache if we didn't make memories out of our moments.
---------
All of us want our pieces to heal but the irony is we will never acknowledge our pieces.
-----------
Magic is entirely a matter of faith!
---------
Your restlessness will force you to crave for home.
----------
Pain may choose to leave your body, but the impact that it leaves on the soul is pretty much forever!
---------
It doesn't hurt everyday,
It just pinches once in a while and
that's exactly when you realise
that it has been there, throughout
and you had just chosen to not acknowledge it,
when it was giving subtle signals.
-------
But, life never said it would be easy and hope never claimed to be real, anyway.

Out of love - 77!

You know what?
People leave, ignore and hurt.
You know what?
We're all people.
--------
When you can't call it quits with grace,
Don't begin it in the first place.
---------
I regret you,
But never have I regretted loving you.
--------
Not that you would,
But, I sincerely wish
You could!
----------
If loving it makes you unlove yourself, just know that it's not worth it. It never was, it never will be.
---------
It takes time,
Time doesn't stop.
Don't worry,
Your life won't be a flop.
---------
The questions of the mind seek answers,
While the questions of the heart of soul seek peace and solace.
--------
Every Time I beg you to stay, I fail as a keeper first and a confidant next.
--------
It was emitting all the kind of gold which could fill all the cracks in my soul.
------
That crack in my soul that you and i refuse to acknowledge is exactly the place where my stream of art flows from!

Dear pieces!

Today we pray for
Parts and pieces
Some broken
Some not so broken
And
The rest unknown.

The pieces who's edges
Have refused to hurt
For they've been too broken
To sense our dirt.

To the pieces
We fail to acknowledge
For they're the one's
That've made peace
With all the garbage,
Whether it be
Within or around
They've just accepted
It all around.

Now, to the pieces
Who have chosen
To feel the pain along
Yes, the ones
Who have felt the
Unwept tears
And the misery of
Sleepless nights
And almost numb days.

To all you pieces
Who've stayed and sailed along,
Just know
I pray for you,
For that's all I can do.

Out of love - 76!

The best part of magic,
It's neither right nor wrong.
It just is.
---------
The best thing about us is, you don't give a damn and i give a damn about every damn thing related to you!
-------
Some pray, while the rest wish that they're the ones some are praying for.
--------
We live in the age of Snapchat, we love to capture moments but fail to keep the people who transform moments into beautiful memories.
-----------
You have often had the courage to take the air out of my lungs, but very unfortunately you haven't been able to kill me.
I win, even if it means otherwise to you.
-----------
One man's pastime is another man's business.
----------
Attachment with objects can be injurious to health.
However, attachment to human beings is fatal.
-------------
Some un-heal-able wounds should never become scars, so that they remind you of your inability to heal at times.
---------
The magic is not in us, it's in the characters we believe/imagine that reside in us.
---------
So you think destroying the memoirs of our memories will erase the moments that made it to our lists of memories? Ha.

The love that darkness emits!

My affair with darkness
Is no news,
We've realised we hate each other
Just like they hate
The fresh shit of a bird on their head.

But,
You know what's beautiful?
We give each other company
Everyday without fail
Till darkness fades
And my eyelids give up.

We've been constants
Just like sun and light
Unacknowledged, unwanted
Yet there without
Any reason or logic.

Something which
Seems like love
But will never be
Treated as love

For you know
We don't like each other
The dark wants me to sleep
I want the dark to be light

Yet, we want and crave
Each other every night.
Every night when
A new cyclone within
Is destroying me
It's this black dark sky
Holding me.

There is something
About the nights
Maybe faith
Or just some magic
Which makes me feel
Dreamy, easy and comfortable
In times tragic.

Every day I wish
Only if nights
Could be longer
And my mornings
Could be a little stronger.

But, damn.
They're just wishes
Unreal, stupid and mine
Who's going to fulfil them
When I have given up
So many times.

Yet, we manage!

You know what the best thing is?
It is the fact that we manage,
Manage to live,
Live without love
Without constants
Without lifelines.

We manage,
To live,
To survive
Or maybe it's just
The respiratory system
That's functional
And an organ that
Pumps blood without fail.

Whatever it maybe,
We manage.
Just manage
Like pros in the field.

However weak we may feel
However fragile our souls be
We just manage.
Manage enough
To fool ourselves
That this too shall pass
That we aren't the kind of beings
Who give up
In and on life
Because of people.

But,
Somewhere within
There is a tsunami in the making
A cyclone already whirling
A child who is crying
Yet, we manage.

This business of acting
To manage life like a cakewalk
Is so weakening
That I have almost forgotten
What weakness would feel like
And maybe, that forgetfulness
Has made me feel
Or rather forced me to believe
That I'll just manage.

Manage life, yet again.

Drama-less trauma, please?

Yes, it's going to be traumatic
Soul numbing traumatic, I hope not
But, whatever it is
Now that we know that it's traumatic
Let's avoid the dramatic bit.

Let's value the us we have nurtured
The hidden me in you
And the shy you in me
Are our take aways from this
Hopefully for the better
And eventually for the best.

Friends, lovers, lifelines
Been there done that
But, as constants
We tried being there
Couldn't do that.

कुछ अलफ़ाज़, बस यूँ ही -15!

पहले जब बुरा लगता था,
तब मैं रो लेती थी
अब बस हस देती हूं।
---------
जब तुम थी तब मैं खुश थी, नहीं हो, तब भी ज़िंदा तो हूँ ही.
रुका नहीं कुछ, बस बदल गया सब.
----------
किताबों से ज्यादा आंखें पढ़ी हैं
इसलिए शायद दर्द का एहसास ज्यादा
और बयान कम होता है।
---------
जब भी दर्द होता है तो बस तुम्हारी आंखों को याद कर लेती हूं, और फिर ना जाने सब अपने आप ठीक कैसे हो जाता है।
--------
अब मैं दर्पण के सामने नहीं जाती.
ना जाने यह कमबख्त
मेरा कोनसा टुकड़ा दिखा दें
जिसे मैं संभाल ना तो दूर
मैं देख तक ना पाऊं।
-------
तेरी एक मुस्कान के लिए मैं उसको हज़ार सज़ाओं की रज़ा दे दूं, हर रोज़।
--------
दोनों एक दूसरे को पकड़े हुए हैं इसलिए शायद संभले हुए हैं।
--------
उन्हें सिर्फ मेरे अश्क दिखाई देते हैं
काश हर अश्क के पीछे छुपा
इंतज़ार भी नज़र आता
तो मेरी आँखों से छलका
हर एक बूँद स्वार्थ हो जाता.
----------
तुम आओ या ना आओ, तुम्हारी याद तो रोज़ आ ही जाती है।
-----------

ख्वाहिशें हैं, बेनाम और सरफिरी तो होंगी ही.

You're not wrong!

You're right, absolutely right
When you say,
I'm not what
I once was.

I'm not,
Because, everything including you,
Time, circumstances, situations
Have changed
And also, maybe because
Change is essential
And stagnation is fatal.

From being hurt
To now being numb
I have come a long way
And this struggle
Has kept me sane
All along the way.

Yes, I cherish this change
Even if it's not a very pleasant one
To you, me and others
I still do
And I think I will for sometime.