Wednesday, 28 September 2016

Out of love - 64!

That heart which shamelessly resided in my body never really belonged to me.
This culture of being beware of people is the reason why, empathy is endangered these days!
"what happened?", to say the least.
It's your abstention from me, that made me a lover.
The problem is I know, that you won't come back. Yet, I wait for you, unnecessarily!
I know life's amazing and each day is bright. But, dayum. My craving to see and feel the light is almost gone. It's all dark, in here.
I thought it was all real, until you came and gave me a reality check!
Even if those words don't come back to you, rest assured the memories will still come back. Either to bring a smile or to hunt you. Both, nonetheless are painful!
You only search for those who you once had.
From making memories together, to now being each others Facebook memories only. They certainly had come a long way from being together to now being far -from- each other. 

Monday, 26 September 2016

Appreciate your struggle, you deserve it!

I know you don't understand my struggle, and I don't even expect you to understand a bit, either. It's my struggle after-all why should you even try to empathise?

Moreover, I haven't shown you how much it takes in me to wake up, get ready and stand in front of the world. All I've shown is that I can stand because I have the courage and the power to. You've known me as a bold and independent individual, which I think I am; irrespective of the uncountable times my urge to breakdown has been, irrespective of the fact that I've wanted someone, somewhere to hold me while I was shivering in a corner which you didn't notice because I hid there so well.

You've seen my smile, despite of the immense hollow feeling that I have. I have hid all my anxieties, fears, shivers and insecurities behind that heavy curtain of smile. All my scars are suppressed under the sheet of make ups.

You still won't understand, and that's majorly because I myself haven't learnt to appreciate my share of struggle. I haven't been fair with myself and I still haven't gathered the courage to myself for being so harsh and pathetic!

Thursday, 22 September 2016

ये लोग!

ये लोग मुझे बता रहें हैं
की मुझे लोगों से संभल कर
उनसे बच कर
शायद डर कर भी
रहना चाहिए।

पर ये लोग भी
तो उन्हीं लोगों
का ही तो अंश हैं
तो फ़िर ये लोग
इन लोगों में फ़र्क
क्यूँ करते हैं?
क्यूँ नहीं समझते उन्हें
ये अपना जो इनके अपने हैं?

क्या ये लोग अपने लोगों
के अपने नहीं हैं?
क्या ये लोग
लोगों को लोगों की तरह
नहीं देखते?

क्या ये लोग
नफ़रत और दरिंदगी के
इतने नीचे दब गये हैं
कि इन्हें लोगों को देखने से पहले ही
लोगों से गर्हिना होने लगी है?

ये लोग जो
आज लोगों की वजह से हैं
ये उन लोगों के ही नहीं हैं
कैन हैं ये लोग?
क्या हैं लोग?
का से हैं ये लोग?

ये लोग।

Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Its not easy!

It's not easy
It may never be
Since when did I
Start pausing before
The beginning?
Since, when did I
Start thinking about
The results? 

I'm not this
I never will be.
You want me
To lose hope
But, rest assured
I won't. 

I'm not your,
Corporate result oriented being
I'm a combination of
The patterns in
My mind
The craziness of
My soul.

I'm nothing less
Or nothing more,
I'm just what you
Think about
No more.

Tuesday, 20 September 2016

Out of love - 63!

The burden of being a burden on you is something I cannot dare and afford to carry.
We're all just remains.
Remains of unaccomplished dreams and left over love!
I know you won't reply. Atleast spare the anxiety for the grey ticks to turn blue. The time period between that anxiety to the heartbreak is more killing than the heartbreak itself!
Addiction isn't love, afterall!
With you I lived life and once you left I learned life.
Treasure your memories, because that's all you've got and earned; in the end.
Every bit of magic is crafted.
If you can't embrace autumn with grace, you don't deserve the spring!
I miss you just enough to not forget you!
You know you are reading for knowledge and leisure when the "important" becomes "wow".
Such transitions, I like.

Wednesday, 14 September 2016

Compulsory transitions!

Back then, your not being
With me, used to
Affect me, hurt me
Now, it doesn't.
Neither do I
Crave for you
Nor do I miss you
I have almost become
Numb, now.

There are some nights
Few days when I
Look at my scars
And applaud myself
For braving the injuries
That once existed.

I've been a warrior
I still am
But, now this warrior
Doesn't stop because
Of mere wounds
And breakdowns.

Now, this warrior
Enters the battlefield
To win
Win, materialistic things
But, not hearts.

Once a lover
Now a warrior
Is a transition
That you've gifted me
And I except your
Gift with
Love and grace.

Thank you, dear. 

Sunday, 11 September 2016

Out of love -62!

At the beginning of an end, the moment became a memoir of the memory to be.
The day you understand the difference between leaving and going, your life wouldn't change but the way you lead your life, might. Acceptance doesn't do wonders, but surely reduces some amount of burden!
To you, I'm just another choice.
To me, you're the reason why I curb what I wish to choose.
They taught me how to deal with problems. Unfortunately, no one taught the world how to deal with life. Sigh.
Do you have the courage and the stamina to breakdown, again?
Everytime my phone beeped, I hoped for a reply for your reply. But, the notification bar reminded me that I was waiting in vain, as always. 
Thank you for making me realise, how fatal obsession, really is! 
The day I figure out the reason, why I love you. That day just know that I've lost all the love I ever had for you!
The problem is, memories stay, but people, unfortunately don't!
Yes, it's all your fault. You shouldn't have met my expectations.

Wednesday, 7 September 2016

अब मैं सोने की कोशिश नहीं करती!

अब मैं सोने की
कोशिश नहीं करती हूँ
क्यूंकि जब भी मैं
ज़रा सी भी कोशिश
करती हूँ तो कुछ देर
के लिए तो शायद
सो जाती हूँ
लेकिन फिर वही
तुम्हारी यादों के
ख्वाबों से जो
डर के उठती हूँ
तब तो बस अपने
आप को ही नहीं
सम्भाल पाती हूँ। 

संभले रहने का
ढ़ोंग करने के लिए
दिन की रौशनी
ही बहुत है
ये रातों और इनमें
बसी तन्हाई को
मैं अपना चुकी हूँ
और ये भी मुझसे दोस्ती
कर चुकी हैं।

तुम तो खैर
सो ही रहे होगे
कहीं चैन से
चादर उड़ कर
बिना किसी तक्लीफ़ के
और नहीं भी सो रहे
होगे तो सुलाने वाले
तो सुला ही देंगे। 

खैर, छोड़ो अब इन
बातों का ना कोई मोल है
ना ही कोई मायने
ये अतीत की यादें
बे बुनियादी ही होती हैं।

चिंता तो तुमको,
खैर नहीं ही होगी
लेकिन फ़िर भी
बता देती हूँ
की मैं ठीक हूँ
और बहुत जल्द
खुश होना भी सीख जाऊँगी
और नहीं भी सीखी
तो नकली मुस्कान को
अपना दोस्त तो बना
ही लूंगी।

Thursday, 1 September 2016


I've started hating fairytales
They are way too sinful
To be belived
The beauty, the happiness
That they project is unreal.
And I feel fooled
Because, I believed all that
Once upon a time.

Why, I don't know.
But, yes.
I did believe in
Every bit of
Happily ever afters
Those unreal forevers,
Which must have felt
Ditched even on the
Paper they were scribbled on.

Someone's imagination
Someone's craving
Someone's passion
Someone's desire
And they call it a
Goddamn fairy tale.

Yes! It's unreal
Yes! It doesn't exist
So what?
Who are you to call
It a silly fiction?

How do you know
How real is
Someone's pain, struggle
Desire and passion.

Exactly, you don't know
You know nothing
And that is presicely
Why you call it an unreal tale
Or a fairy tale or a fiction.

And I have refused to
Believe what you want me to

Every morning is not a
Bright sunny morning
Some mornings are
Worse than those lonely nights
Some nights are more
Comforting than those
Wicked mornings.

All that is written
In that fairy tale is a lie
But, the one who has written it
Is not a liar.
The storyteller must have been
Someone who had craved for
All those bright sunny happy times
But those cravings wouldn't have subsided
And maybe that's how a tale teller emerged.

Every bit written on
That paper of the that
Fairy tale is a proof
Of unadulterated lies
Every emotion with which
Each word was written on
That sheet is real.

Each partical of that emotion
Must have been so real
And painfully beautiful
That it tries to absorb
Others pain,
By fooling them with
A shade of a
Rainbow world.

कुछ अलफ़ाज़, बस यूँ ही -12!

ना जाने मैं कब इतना टूट गयी
की अपनी सांसों से ही कुछ
रूठ सी गयी।
अगर तुम्हारे साथ जीने की आदत पड़ सकती है, तो तुम्हारे बिना सांस लेने की आदत तो पड़ ही जाएगी।
मैंने तो ना तुम्हें छोड़े था ना उम्मीद को, अब मुझे क्या पता था की तुम और उम्मीद दोनों ही दगाबाज़ निकलोगे।
शायद हर आंधी तूफ़ान से लड़ने की ताकत और हिम्मत है मुझ में, बस ना जाने इन यादों के सैलाब को कयूँ झेल नहीं पाती।
ये "खास" बड़ा ही
अजीब लफ्ज़ है
सब कुछ करने
के बाद भी
इस खास की कमी
हमेशा रह ही जाती है।
कहानियाँ सुनाने वाले बहुत हैं,
कहानियाँ शुरू करने वाले भी बहुत हैं
कहानियों को अनजाम देने वालों की
ना जाने कैसै कमी सी रह गयी।
दर्द की फ़ित्रत अजीब होती है, बिन बुलाए आता है और बिना बताये चला भी जाता है।
अजीब दस्तूर है ज़माने का, टूटे हुए को तोड़ना चाहता है। क्या पता नहीं है इनको की टुकड़े की आज़माशि से कुछ ना मिल कर भी सब मिल जाता है।
मुहोब्बत बेहद नाज़ुक अलफ़ाज़ है, और उससे भी ज्यादा नाज़ुक चीज़ है दिल। तोड़ना बहुत आसान है और वाप्स जोड़ना तो खैर नामुम्किन ही है। लेकिन, फ़िर भी हम सब तोड़ते और जोड़ते रहते हैं। बेवकूफ़ हैं ना हम सब?
बहुत याद आती है तुम्हारी
जब अकेले होती हूँ तब
और जब अकेले नहीं भी
होती हूँ, तब भी
पर क्या फायेदा
उस याद का जो तुम्हे
वापस ला ही नहीं पाए
खैर, छोड़ो
मेरी यादें
मेरी परेशानियां
तुम्हारा क्या?