Sunday 31 January 2016

कुछ अलफ़ाज़, बस यूँ ही -09!

ना जाने ये कैसा अजीब असमंजस है......जहाँ ये समझ ही नहीं आ रहा की दर्द की वजह से दुःख है या दुःख की वजह से दर्द
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इबादत के लिए इजाज़त की ज़रुरत नहीं....
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गैरों की अमानत पे हमारा हक कहाँ
और
अपने तो अमानत ऐसी होते हैं
जिनकी इबादत हम रोज़ किया
करते हैं।
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वक़्त हमे समझने मे नहीं सम्भलने मे लग गया सारा।
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अब क्या समझाएं समझदारों को ..... किफायत के ज़माने मे पूरी सांसें और अधूरी धडकनों के सहारे कैसे जी रहे हैं।
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काश यारी से पहले खुदारी के बारे मे सोचा होता तो आज इतनी घुटन ना होती।
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वो अनकहे वादे जो तुम बिन बताये निभाते हो
अच्छा लगता है जब तुम हमारी मुस्कान सरहाते हो
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वो पूछ रहे थे हमसे की पुराने ज़ख़्म भर गए ..... अब क्या बताते हम उन्हें की धुल जमने से ज़ख्म भरते नहीं बिगड़ते है।
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हालत तो बदल गये ना जाने हालात कब बदलेंगे.
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अब ख्वायिशों को भी नाम दे देंगे तो बेनामी का परचम कौन संभालेगा...
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बदलाव!

बड़ी अजीब सी बात है
जो कल तक हमे सुनाते थे
हमारी नाकामियाबियों पे मुस्कुराते थे
आज वो
हमारी सुनते है
हमारे गुरूर से जलते हैं।

हम तो तब भी वो ही थे
अब भी वो ही हैं
बस वक़्त बदल गया
हालात सुधर गए
और उन्हें लगा
हमारे चाल ढाल बदल गए।

नाकामियाब हम तब भी ना थे
कामियाब हम अभी ना हैं
नजरिया तब अलग था अब अलग है
और वो कहते है हम अपने ग़म से
वफादार ना निकले। 

दर्द तब भी था
अब भी है
बस मरहम लगाने के
ढंग बदल गए। 

ना वो पुराने ज़ख़्म भरे
ना ये नए दर्द मिटे
बस अब यूँ कहिये
कि हम दिल से ना 
होठों से मुस्कुराना ज़रूर सीख गए।

Friday 29 January 2016

Them, the healers!

We are healers
Healers of sorts
The ones who
Don't know
How they heal
Each other
But
Certainly
Know what they're
To and for each other.

We,
The loneliness
The pain
The scars
The unhealed wounds
The expression
The expression scared to be expressed
The emotions which
Wish to be UNacknowledged
The soul in pieces.
Yes! This we
In me,
Which I love
To hate
Everyday
Every night
Whether,
Under the moon
Or deprived of light.

Yes! They heal
Because I feel
Them more than
Anything
They stay with me
Through my
Smiles and tears
Numbness and dumbness
Like
A companion
Strong and firm
Promising me
A for forever
Reminding me
Of their existence
Only to  help
Me differentiate
Between
Lonely and alone.

These healers
Who heal
Without making
It look  like
A real big deal
Them. We. They
Which resides
In the loner
I
Is the reason behind
Less painful sighs.

Wednesday 27 January 2016

Something is slipping!

Something is slipping
What? I don't know
How? I don't know
But, it is.
Very fiercely
And ruthlessly
Tearing me into
Infinite pieces.
The pieces
Which I won't
Be able to join
Reassembling self
Would just be impossible.

Shivering. Trembling. Panting.
Feeling almost shredded
Already.
Like losing
An unfought battle.
Feeling the pain
Of wounds that
Don't really exist
Or maybe fearing
That the wounds
To be
May become the scars
To be.

Hold me
Hold me tight
Very very tight
Till the time
I don't stop
Trembling and shivering.
Re assure me
That you will be
"Will be, ALWAYS"
To stop me
From slipping and sliding
At least
Just pretend
For sometime.
Please.

Tuesday 26 January 2016

Moon: My constant!

The mighty moon which doesn't bless
Morons during the chaotic noon.

It's meant for nights to emit
Some serene light

Charming and glowing the one
Who helps me in flowing

Mighty and majestic
Humble and realistic

It GLOWS bright
But, never goes beyond sight

The moon. The love. And. The Infinity.

Monday 25 January 2016

Out of love - 39!

In the end all we do is pretend to have healed.
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I'm neither an angel nor a best friend I'm just another constant you may rely on. Any day. Anytime. Any where
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I'm fire
Filled with love
Soaked in hatred
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At least pretend to hold me while I see myself getting transformed into ashes. 
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Scars may not hurt but they stay forever.
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Patches are disgraceful they said, little did they know that they were impressions of someone's sincere effort! 
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Dreams aren't wishes and hence they don't come true. They are just desperate plans and so they are achieved first and believed later.
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All we ever have is one single story which we amend edit and filter again and again only to fool ourselves that we have different versions/ types/ genres/ variations of emotions and problems everyday. 
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During that journey from friends to mere acquaintances a lot was learnt only to realise how important it is to unlearn certain things.
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A bleeding eye and a soul of ashes, yet they wondered why the graveyards were doddled all the time.

Sunday 24 January 2016

Friends to acquaintances!

Back then
We were friends
Close enough to
Share everything .

More like a strong
Adhesive which
Could probably
Withstand all sorts
Of thick and thin.

Now
We know we aren't
What we were
What we wanted to be

From acquaintances
To friends
It was a journey
Of learning and living

From friends
To acquaintances
It was an examination
Of unlearning and pretentious living

From for forever
To now almost never
A lot was felt
Only to curse the
Ability to feel.

Past, present and future
All were painful now
For the essence of
Love and magic
Was totally gone now.

Tuesday 19 January 2016

कुछ अलफ़ाज़, बस यूँ ही -08!

कहानी का अंत तो फिर भी लिखा जा सकता है, पर दस्तायें तो बस यूँ ही ख़तम हो जाती हैं |
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मृत्यु का नहीं, डर तो उस ज़िन्दगी का है जो मृत्यु का रोज़ इंतज़ार कराये!
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उड़ान तो हौंसलों से और हौंसलों की होती है, पंख तो सिफ्र एक बहाना है।
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अगर उस ख्वाब के पीछे इतनी तारीखें ना गवाई होतीं........ तो आज शायद साँसें खो देते।
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कौन कमबख्त कहता है ज़िन्दगी का तमाशा बनता है, ज़िन्दगी तो अपने आप में ही एक बहुत खूब तमाशा है इसका आप क्या बना पायेगे
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हर बीते लम्हे की याद आती है, उस मुस्कुराते चेहरे को देखने के लिए आँखें रोज़ तड़प सी जाती हैं.
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अब तो जल कर राख भी हो गये, कम से कम उस राख को तो उड़ने दो।
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जितना मजबूर इस दिल ने उससे मोहोबत करने के लिए किया है उतना मजबूर तो आज तक इस ज़िन्दगी ने सांस लेने के लिए भी नहीं किया.
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डोर बाँधने के लिए नहीं उड़ान को सहारा डदेने के लिए होती है.
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ना जाने कौनसी गुस्ताखी हो गयी हमसे की इतने लोग होने के बावजूद भी हम उनकी मेहेज़ याद से तनहा महसूस करने लगे।
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Sunday 17 January 2016

Craving introspection!

You see only
What i want
You to see
In me
No! It is
Not that i
Dont trust you
Or something
It is just
That I am
On the verge
Of
Loving to hate self.

It is all
Dark and dusty
Here
Unlike the
Glittery and sparky me
That i
Plan
Propose
Pretend
To show you
Everday.

You may
Or
May not
Accept what i am
The way i am
Who i am
And more.

Trust me
I cant accept
The way i am
I cant
Not because I
Dont want to
But because
I dont know
Who I am.

It seems
I and my reflection
Are two different
Very very different
Souls.
What you see
Is probably
One of the two
Or maybe
A combination
Of both.

A soul
Layered with
Dust more than
Glitter and sparkle
Isnt one of
Those, you'd like
Or
Would you??

Thursday 14 January 2016

Out of love - 38!

And then came a time
When the mighty moon
Decided to walk
During a warm sunny afternoon....
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let it flow
Let it breathe 
Allow it to
Just BE.
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it is strange how the naked eye and naked soul find it difficult to accept the naked reality
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From a bond beyond friends to a situation where i had to think twice before i could call her a mere acquaintance, a lot had changed and I felt beyond numb and dead.
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I thought time flies never knew it vanishes with the blink of an eye
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That micro minute distance between exploding and being on the verge of explosion is known as daily life.
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An ugly cut and a beautiful stitch, life seemed to heal till the stitches broke.
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The sole healer of a burnt soul is its ashes.
--------
If it cannot heal let it rot. Guiltlessly.
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I'm neither what I was
Nor what I wanted to be
All I'm is
Exactly what you see
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Wednesday 13 January 2016

Selective!

What hurts
We know
What heals
We don't

Broken souls
Shredded hearts
Shattered dreams
Looking at each other
In solidarity.

All of them
Wanting to be heard
Craving to be understood
Dying to be loved
Desperately.

Zillion rumours
Infinite murmurs
Mostly painful
Usually sinful
Stomping and marching
On me.

Crushing the
'I' in me
It's like putting
Acid on my dreams
Making me feel
Paralysed and helpless.

Saturday 9 January 2016

An adult: Really?

Who are you
Asked,
The mighty mirror

"An adult"
Replied the sensible mind
In an assertive tone
And an aggressive expression.

The timid heart
Replied " A CHILD"
Though it's voice
Remained unheard as
Usual
It Wanted to pretend
To sound
Confident and important
But, alas
It was ignored
As usual.

Magic and dreams
Glitter and screams
Lost to
Sense and logic
Business deals and more.

The reflection laughed.

While the soul
Silently uttered
I am a bit of
Glitter and sparkle
With a tinch of disaster.

The mighty brain chuckled
Yet again.

Wednesday 6 January 2016

Out of love - 37!

Teddy bear is a non living thing they said, didn't they know it was the only thing which helped her feel warm in the cold world  and her insomnia feared her teddy the most.
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Allow me to have faith in light on those days when the sun forgets to shine
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Let sleep kiss me the day it has abandoned the nightmares.
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A stomped heart. A shredded soul. An okayish CV. 
life sounded good. Looked almost decent. But lost the ability to feel.
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Pretend to hold me tight while I pretend to live and apparently breathe.
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Every single moment spent with you is an ocean of memories which I cherish with each breath. 
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I was pained then and hence there was some art, but today, I'm numb so there's neither pain nor art. 
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No matter how hard you try somethings will always stick around the brim or soul.
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Sharing silence while the green surrounds and the sun shines in all its glory is a feeling beyond peace
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Allow the thread of art
To stitch your fragmented heart


Saturday 2 January 2016

Compassion!

It craved compassion
And so
The canvas broadened
It's shoulder
So that there was
Enough space to
Lean and cry on.

The paint brush
Held its hand
Firm and tight
Assuring and Re- assuring
That it will never
Let it go out of it's
Sight.

The colors
Came flying and running
To hug it tight
To hold its shivering structure
With warmth and delight.