Tuesday, 27 December 2016

कुछ अलफ़ाज़, बस यूँ ही -14!

मुस्कान का लिबाज़ भी आजकल मैं  सिर्फ उम्मीद की खातिर उड़ लेती हूँ।
------
सब अलग-अलग चीज़ें ढूंडते हैं। कुछ रब, कुछ सुकून और कुछ अपने आशिक़ की मुस्कान।
-------
उसकी आँखों में दर्द नहीं है,
उसकी आँखों में कुछ टुकड़े हैं
बिखरे हुए, बेचैन, शायद आज़ाद या कैद
पर वो लड़ रही है, चल रही है।
-----------
आज फिर जवाब नहीं आया 
मेरा टूटा हुआ दिल 
फिर एक बार टूट गया 
और एक बार फिर 
तुम्हारी यादों के साथ 
तले मेरी ख़ुशी दब गयी.
----------
दर्द तो आज भी बहुत है, पर शायद ज़माने भर का नहीं.
----------
कीमती चीजों की कीमत अदा करने में इतने मशहूल हो गये की अनमोल चीजों की वक्त करने का ख्याल ही नहीं रहा।
--------
दगाबाज़ों ने अगर दग़ा दिया 
तो क्या गलत किया, क्या नया किया 
ग़म तो इस बात का है 
जिन्हें हमने अपना समझा
आज उन्होंने एक पल में पराया किया।
------------
अब तो बस इतना पता है कि वो जिंदा है,
और इस भरोसे अब मुझे जीना है।
---------
अगर ग़ालिब इतना टूटा हुआ ना होता
तो, आज हर आशिक शायर कैसे होता।
----------
दिन बीत गये
महीने बदल गये
साल गुज़र गये
पर,
तुम्हारी यादें 
मिटना तो दूर 
धुंधली तक नहीं हुई।

Monday, 26 December 2016

Out of love - 71!

You were the reason,
I felt my heart beat
And now,
You're the reason why
I am in
Bits and pieces
Thru which my heart bleeds
-----------
It meant nothing,
We meant nothing
Yet, nothing forced us
To live, love and laugh.
-----------
It will just take courage and perseverance to heal. Nothing less, nothing more.
---------
Healing is important. Even if it means or needs all your time. 
-----------
There's only one difference between healing and caring. You heal for your own good. And you care for a person who you consider more important than self.
----------
But, importance is just a phase. A mere phase. 
----------
No dear, you aren't changing things. You are a part of the change that happens every second. Change is as natural as your breath. 
---------
The day we rise with all instead of rise above all, the universe will be a happy place.
----------
The fear of losing you is killing me, everyday; without fail.
---------
I love you,
And you love me back
By cutting the strands 
Of our strings attached.

Wednesday, 14 December 2016

Swing!

Life is like a swing,
Oscillating between
The good and the bad
The happy and the sad
The joy and the sorrow.

Never stopping
Never pausing
Moving back and forth
Sometimes with purpose
Sometimes without it.

But, it never stops
It goes on
And on
Till the end of time.

Initially you have to
Put in a lot of effort
But, once it is at a steady pace
It will be smooth
Till the time someone obstructs.

Obstruction is important
Important to know how
The beauty of phases
And paces is like.

Rough and smooth
Are just phases
That will pass with time
Sometimes a little
After the time.

Hang on,
Move on
But, just don't stop
Just,
Swing on
You'll be fine
And just fine sometimes.

Like swing. Like life.


Monday, 12 December 2016

Out of love - 70!

Red, is a beautiful colour. I'm sure it's not meant for petty things like the heart!
-----------
Her eyes demanded answers. The answers she could question, again.
-----------
Waiting for you is like new skin; plummy pink, soft and painful.
----------
Being one of them is tiring, but being none of them is worse.
-------
You know I'll grow up one day.
One day, when I can spell my name
And my surname with my designation
Maybe, that day.

Or maybe the day
When I can accept
That what I've given in
Isn't what i wanted to give up.
Maybe, that day.
---------
Life will not wait, people gone aren't coming back, people wanting to leave will leave; anyway.

Then why wait? MOVE ON!
---------
If there is love and magic, to me it just has to be something in your eyes.
----------
Stinking stains of your memories are exactly the reason why I can't move on!
-------
It will take time and nothing else to create memories for a lifetime.
--------
How will you see the chaotic mess if you're living in it?

Saturday, 3 December 2016

संगिनी!

कितनी खूबसूरत चीज़ है उम्मीद
रोज़ तोडती भी है
और सुबह उठने की ताकत भी देती है;
मारती हर पल है
पर मरने एक बार भी नहीं देती.

वो उम्मीद ही तो है
जिसने साँसों को
चलने का और दिल को
धड़कने की वजह दी है

रोज़ अँधेरी रात
मे सुकून से मुस्कुराते
चाँद को दिखाती है
और
धुप से निकलने वाली
आग मे जलने के बावजूद
भी उसकी रौशनी को सरहाती है

वो उम्मीद है
आती और जाती रहती है
पर क्या खूब ज़िन्दगी का
साथ निभाती है.

Sunday, 27 November 2016

Out of love - 69!

Love will not come to you,
It'll just surround you,
Like a warm sheet of sunlight
And, a comforting breeze of,
Fresh air!
-------
My story isn't in the books you read, it lies in the eyes you see.
-------
The feeling and essence of being almost is the most unsatisfactory thing ever.
------
It's strange how you and I are bored or maybe too busy to strike a conversation, but still aren't over missing each other.
--------
Waiting for you is painful and tiring, but now I find acceptance in it.
-------
They call her a whore, a slut. Yet again she wrote an award winning novel as annonymous, like always.
--------
Choose hope over trust. Hope may let you down but a breach of trust is bound to shred you to bits.
-------
Your memories are like an earthquake they flash for a few seconds and leave me devastated.
---------
Don't dilute what needs to be dissolved.
---------
So they spoke, this time not to break the ice but to shred their ego.


Tuesday, 22 November 2016

So you forgot!

So you forgot,
Ah! I should've known
You wouldn't remember it
For one only remembers
What means important to them.

Today, you forgot my wish
Tomorrow, you'll forget me
And, to rub all your sins off
You'll yet again say,
I forgot!

No, you didn't forget
It's just that you didn't
Care enough to keep things
In your head.

Some call it priorities
For others it's just love
But, for you
It's none
And so you forgot.

Today, you've forgotten
And there will be a tomorrow
When I erase, move on and forget you
Don't you dare blame me for that
And even if you do,
I'm sorry, I just forgot you!





Monday, 21 November 2016

I'm a shoulder!

I'm a shoulder
A shoulder made of
The softest cotton, possible
Yet, the firmest one
Ever available.

I exist to ease you,
To absorb your
Wept and unwept tears,
To stand with you
Right next to you
Not even a millimetre away
Just there to be with you,
In your sorrows and pain.

You may forget me
When you are happy and gay
I wouldn't mind that
In any way.

But, just look at me
When in need
And you'll find me
Right there.

I may not be strong enough,
I agree
But, rest assured
I'm firm enough to help
You ease and be.

I do not promise to
Solve your problems and trouble
But I assure you
I will stand with you
Next to you in all your
Traumas and troubles.

I'm yours
Use me as you please
But, just don't confuse
My 'use me' is a shoulder
And not a dustbin
Just know the difference
Else, is as you please.

Sunday, 13 November 2016

कुछ अलफ़ाज़, बस यूँ ही -13!

प्यार नहीं आदत है। धीरज रखीये, वक्त के साथ बदल ही जाएगी।
----------
बेहद से खतरनाक और कुछ नहीं होता।
------------
वो जो कल तक मेरी आँखें पढ़ लिया करते थे, आज मेरे बोलने पर भी मुझे समझ नहीं पा रहे हैं।
-----------
तुम्हारी याद भी रोज़ शायद इसीलिए आती है, क्यूंकि तुम्हारे ना के बराबर जो लौट आने की उम्मीद है वो अभी भी मेरे पास और साथ है।
-------
ठैराव को उनका होता है जो रुक जाते हैं, मुसाफ़िरों के नीसब में तो ना जाने कितने आंधी तूफ़ान आते हैं।
---------
हम सब ज़िदगी में या तो कोई किरदार निभा रहे हैं या निभाना चाह रहे हैं। वो क्या है ना, अपने आप से खुश रहना इंसान की फ़ित्रत में है ही नहीं।
----------
तब आँखों में नींद होती थी,
आजकल तो वहाँ बस दर्द से ही
मुलाकात होती है।
--------
जिन आँखों से मुझे इश्क था उन आँखों ने तो मुझे कभी देखा ही नहीं है।
--------
अपने अंदर की आग ट्टोलने से जिस्म नहीं ज़मीर राख होता है।
-------
वो भी एक दौर था, जब वक्त ही कुछ और था।


Friday, 11 November 2016

Out of love - 68!

When the flow of force is more fierce than you, then you either drown or are thrown on to a shore unknown!
-------
Give time the time it deserves, to make things stale and old. Your pain will transform into numbness, soon.
--------
"Sometimes" plays a crucial in making and breaking, simultaneously!
---------
Infinityis the evidence of the inability of expression.
--------
If you believe attachment is fatal, wait till you begin with the procedure of detachment.
---------
I see you everyday in those stars, even when the clouds try to hide them!
----------
While you were busy moving on, I was waiting, over thinking and over reacting about how our perfection ended. Maybe, I just over loved you!
---------
It ended, because we started demanding logic from it. How could our love and promises ever have logic? It was just supposed to be selfless and real.
-------
Between two people, one loves and the other lives the love. Both equally, risky and blissful!
-------
Do you have the courage to bear what you're seeking?


Tuesday, 1 November 2016

She!

She's love
She's rage
She's aggression
She's passion
She's life
She's an eternal vibe.

She's what you
Want to be
But she's not you
She's a part of infinity
The part that infinity
Feels proud of
She's power.

She's shakti
She's a part of
Everything you and i see.

She shines
She falls
She rises
She has flaws.

She's raw
She's blunt
She's fierce
And fearless
Always in the front.

She is the darkness
Which the light desires
She's the fire
That burns death
To life.

She's magic.
She's sparkle
She's imagination
She's within
She's around
She's sane and sound.

She is what she's!


Saturday, 29 October 2016

Out of love - 67!

Wanting is a pleasant feeling, craving unfortunately isn't.
---------
The nib of my pen still bleeds, but now you are not the reason behind it. I've either healed or moved on! :)
--------
A combination of flaws and confusions is often called life!
-------------
Everything May not stay, but somethings will. Always.
-----------
Live the moment, you'll automatically make memories worth cherishing!
-------
Drop by drop,
bit by bit
it healed.
The then wounds
Are now scars
And I call them
Tattoos now.
It's beautiful!
----------
You're not the culprit, my mind is!
---------
Some create it while the rest struggle believing it. Magic!
--------
If you can't embrace nothing, then what can you?
----------
Nothingness and emptiness are two very different feelings. The former is almost equivalent to meditation whereas the latter might prove to be the heaviest burden, ever!



Friday, 28 October 2016

The head: the culprit!

The unrest
And
The constant thumping
In my chest
Force me to believe
What I don't wish to.

That feeling which
Makes it evident
That it's not okay
Is exactly what I don't want.

But,
Now that the chest
Has made it inevitable
Will you STOP
Before it's too late?

All the nights spent
Overthinking and overworking
Are on the verge of retirement
But, your thoughts
Still refuse to quit the place
They are embossed.

I don't blame you,
For the culprit is
My mind.

The mind
Which doesn't want
To feel divine and free
For it's the captivity
Which gives it new
Reasons to fight and strive.

The Sinner. The culprit. The head.





Tuesday, 25 October 2016

River not ocean!

I'm not doing anything new
I don't wish to do something new
I just want to flow
Like a river
Effortlessly,
In the direction unknown
On a path unseen.

I just want to be
See
What it is to be
And feel
While doing nothing
Feeling everything.

Is it too much
That I demand?
Is it unreal and weird
To crave to be what
It takes to be
What zero yet infinity?

I feel like a restless ocean
Fierce and angry
Unnecessarily,
Eating away all the
Filth and dirt
Without any reason.

I want to be a peaceful
Stream,
Making way
While washing mountains
And
Showering flowers.

At ease and peace.



Saturday, 22 October 2016

Out of love - 66

Never been scared of falling down, but the mere thought of falling apart gives me shivers of a lifetime!
--------
Distance never separates, the lack of trust does!
---------
I'm neither your friend nor your lover, but does that nullify my relevance in your life?
--------
The irony is, you and I know what we should; but we will neither accept it nor acknowledge it.
----------
There's nothing more lethal than silent stagnation!
-----------
You were my answer to all the questions but now you're the reason why I question myself!
--------------
Your name might taste bitter now, but rest assured it'll never be stale!
--------
You're so busy ignoring me that I've started believing that you're actually busy!
---------
You're the kind of pain that makes me an artist and a drug that heals every bit of my wounds.
----------
Maybe, we deserve the best; but not each other, certainly.


 

Friday, 21 October 2016

So much for irony!

Don't fall in love
With something you love
For there are chances
Of falling out of love.

Live, bleed and weep
With what you love.
Loving is sinful
Lovers fortunately
Aren't.

Just like you and I
Are not sinners
But the thing that
Keeps us together
A blissful sin.

Bliss. Sin. Love
All in a breath
Taking it away
Yet giving it a
Reason to sustain.

So much for irony.
Yet giving me
Strength, power and resistance
Like iron.

It's funny
Messy
Yet,
Lovely.




Wednesday, 12 October 2016

Out of love - 65!

I can be in any corner of the world. But, once you call me, I will come. Yes, especially. Not because I can, but because I want to!
-------------
Art does not happen. It just flows, effortlessly.
-----------
Don't try to simplify things, that's exactly how you end up complicating them!
-----------
I haven't won many battles, but I certainly have fought many of them. No, that doesn't make me a loser, it proves that I'm a consistent warrior.
---------------
I don't fear failing but I can't afford losing, losing you!
---------
My craving for you is eternal, your longing for me is seasonal. And that's exactly why it's painful for me and smooth for you.
--------
I hate to love you so often, that my fear of losing you is almost unimaginable.
----------
Missing you drains something beyond my energy.
------------
How I wish you said " I believe you" much before you thought, "I love you"!
---------
I'm not lost. I've probably shredded myself by giving all of me to everyone except myself! 


I'll hold you!

You know,
In case, you don't
So just know
That I'll be there.

Umm... unfortunately
Not forever,
But, rest assured
For an always.

I'll be right next
To you
On the days when
You are falling down.

Yes, I'll hold you
Hold you, firm enough
To not let you
Fall apart.





Wednesday, 5 October 2016

I don't deserve this!

I don't deserve this
Not even an ounce of it.
All your ignorance
Arrogance,
Reluctance
Negligence
Including those
Goddamn blue ticks
On WhatsApp.
I just don't deserve
All of this.

But,
I take it all
Every bit of all
That you can imagine,
It slaughters
My soul
My emotions
My heart
My self esteem
And what not.
Yet,
I take it all
Literally everyday.

All those
Unwept tears
Hollow feeling
Unslept nights
The futile introspection
The feeling of being
Insufficient for you
All that kills me,
Kills me every minute.

Still, I swallow all of that
You know why?
Because,
I love you,
More than you think
Much more than you know.
I've given almost
All of me to you
Only to know
In return
That I wasn't enough for you.

But,
Rest assured,
I still will love you
Because,
I don't have
An option of
Unloving you.
You've already
Become almost everything
And now all the pain
That you have given
And are still giving
Is a part of me
And maybe my
Life too.

I won't move on
Because,
I don't want to
I want to know
Where I went wrong
What didn't I do
To keep you,
Despite you promising
Me a forever.

All my questions
Deserve answers
Each and every
One of them longs for it
And I shall
Take all your replies
Before we call it
An END.

Tuesday, 4 October 2016

Speaking vs talking!

We don't have those
Deep conversations anymore,
The kind of conversations
You and I, used to have.

The ones which had
An essence of our dreams
And the fragrance of our struggle
It seems as if we've given up
On each other.

We've been speaking
With each other, everyday
But, it's been a while
We had the kind of conversation
In which we'd talk.

The one's with which
We knew we could
Heal each other
Just like that.

Maybe both of us
Are broken now
Too broken to
Confront ourselves
In infront of each other

Or its just
Me doing
Some disastrous
Overthinking,
As usual.


Wednesday, 28 September 2016

Out of love - 64!

That heart which shamelessly resided in my body never really belonged to me.
-----------
This culture of being beware of people is the reason why, empathy is endangered these days!
------------
"what happened?"
Umm....life, to say the least.
--------------
It's your abstention from me, that made me a lover.
-----------
The problem is I know, that you won't come back. Yet, I wait for you, unnecessarily!
-------------
I know life's amazing and each day is bright. But, dayum. My craving to see and feel the light is almost gone. It's all dark, in here.
-------------
I thought it was all real, until you came and gave me a reality check!
-------------
Even if those words don't come back to you, rest assured the memories will still come back. Either to bring a smile or to hunt you. Both, nonetheless are painful!
------------
You only search for those who you once had.
-----------
From making memories together, to now being each others Facebook memories only. They certainly had come a long way from being together to now being far -from- each other. 


Monday, 26 September 2016

Appreciate your struggle, you deserve it!

I know you don't understand my struggle, and I don't even expect you to understand a bit, either. It's my struggle after-all why should you even try to empathise?

Moreover, I haven't shown you how much it takes in me to wake up, get ready and stand in front of the world. All I've shown is that I can stand because I have the courage and the power to. You've known me as a bold and independent individual, which I think I am; irrespective of the uncountable times my urge to breakdown has been, irrespective of the fact that I've wanted someone, somewhere to hold me while I was shivering in a corner which you didn't notice because I hid there so well.

You've seen my smile, despite of the immense hollow feeling that I have. I have hid all my anxieties, fears, shivers and insecurities behind that heavy curtain of smile. All my scars are suppressed under the sheet of make ups.

You still won't understand, and that's majorly because I myself haven't learnt to appreciate my share of struggle. I haven't been fair with myself and I still haven't gathered the courage to myself for being so harsh and pathetic!


Thursday, 22 September 2016

ये लोग!

ये लोग मुझे बता रहें हैं
की मुझे लोगों से संभल कर
उनसे बच कर
शायद डर कर भी
रहना चाहिए।

पर ये लोग भी
तो उन्हीं लोगों
का ही तो अंश हैं
तो फ़िर ये लोग
इन लोगों में फ़र्क
क्यूँ करते हैं?
क्यूँ नहीं समझते उन्हें
ये अपना जो इनके अपने हैं?


क्या ये लोग अपने लोगों
के अपने नहीं हैं?
क्या ये लोग
लोगों को लोगों की तरह
नहीं देखते?

क्या ये लोग
नफ़रत और दरिंदगी के
इतने नीचे दब गये हैं
कि इन्हें लोगों को देखने से पहले ही
लोगों से गर्हिना होने लगी है?

ये लोग जो
आज लोगों की वजह से हैं
ये उन लोगों के ही नहीं हैं
कैन हैं ये लोग?
क्या हैं लोग?
का से हैं ये लोग?

ये लोग।


Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Its not easy!

It's not easy
It may never be
But,
Since when did I
Start pausing before
The beginning?
Since, when did I
Start thinking about
The results? 

No!
I'm not this
I never will be.
Though,
You want me
To lose hope
But, rest assured
I won't. 

I'm not your,
Corporate result oriented being
I'm a combination of
The patterns in
My mind
And
The craziness of
My soul.

I'm nothing less
Or nothing more,
I'm just what you
Think about
No more.


Tuesday, 20 September 2016

Out of love - 63!

The burden of being a burden on you is something I cannot dare and afford to carry.
---------
We're all just remains.
Remains of unaccomplished dreams and left over love!
-----------
I know you won't reply. Atleast spare the anxiety for the grey ticks to turn blue. The time period between that anxiety to the heartbreak is more killing than the heartbreak itself!
-----------
Addiction isn't love, afterall!
-----------
With you I lived life and once you left I learned life.
---------
Treasure your memories, because that's all you've got and earned; in the end.
-----------
Every bit of magic is crafted.
---------------
If you can't embrace autumn with grace, you don't deserve the spring!
------------
I miss you just enough to not forget you!
------------
You know you are reading for knowledge and leisure when the "important" becomes "wow".
Such transitions, I like.

Wednesday, 14 September 2016

Compulsory transitions!

Back then, your not being
With me, used to
Affect me, hurt me
But,
Now, it doesn't.
Neither do I
Crave for you
Nor do I miss you
I have almost become
Numb, now.

Though,
There are some nights
And
Few days when I
Look at my scars
And applaud myself
For braving the injuries
That once existed.

I've been a warrior
I still am
But, now this warrior
Doesn't stop because
Of mere wounds
And breakdowns.

Now, this warrior
Enters the battlefield
To win
Win, materialistic things
But, not hearts.

Once a lover
Now a warrior
Is a transition
That you've gifted me
And I except your
Gift with
Love and grace.

Thank you, dear. 


Sunday, 11 September 2016

Out of love -62!

At the beginning of an end, the moment became a memoir of the memory to be.
---------
The day you understand the difference between leaving and going, your life wouldn't change but the way you lead your life, might. Acceptance doesn't do wonders, but surely reduces some amount of burden!
--------
To you, I'm just another choice.
To me, you're the reason why I curb what I wish to choose.
---------
They taught me how to deal with problems. Unfortunately, no one taught the world how to deal with life. Sigh.
----------
Do you have the courage and the stamina to breakdown, again?
---------
Everytime my phone beeped, I hoped for a reply for your reply. But, the notification bar reminded me that I was waiting in vain, as always. 
---------
Thank you for making me realise, how fatal obsession, really is! 
---------
The day I figure out the reason, why I love you. That day just know that I've lost all the love I ever had for you!
-----------
The problem is, memories stay, but people, unfortunately don't!
--------
Yes, it's all your fault. You shouldn't have met my expectations.


Wednesday, 7 September 2016

अब मैं सोने की कोशिश नहीं करती!

अब मैं सोने की
कोशिश नहीं करती हूँ
क्यूंकि जब भी मैं
ज़रा सी भी कोशिश
करती हूँ तो कुछ देर
के लिए तो शायद
सो जाती हूँ
लेकिन फिर वही
तुम्हारी यादों के
ख्वाबों से जो
डर के उठती हूँ
तब तो बस अपने
आप को ही नहीं
सम्भाल पाती हूँ। 

संभले रहने का
ढ़ोंग करने के लिए
दिन की रौशनी
ही बहुत है
ये रातों और इनमें
बसी तन्हाई को
मैं अपना चुकी हूँ
और ये भी मुझसे दोस्ती
कर चुकी हैं।

तुम तो खैर
सो ही रहे होगे
कहीं चैन से
चादर उड़ कर
बिना किसी तक्लीफ़ के
और नहीं भी सो रहे
होगे तो सुलाने वाले
तो सुला ही देंगे। 

खैर, छोड़ो अब इन
बातों का ना कोई मोल है
ना ही कोई मायने
ये अतीत की यादें
बे बुनियादी ही होती हैं।

चिंता तो तुमको,
खैर नहीं ही होगी
लेकिन फ़िर भी
बता देती हूँ
की मैं ठीक हूँ
और बहुत जल्द
खुश होना भी सीख जाऊँगी
और नहीं भी सीखी
तो नकली मुस्कान को
अपना दोस्त तो बना
ही लूंगी।


Thursday, 1 September 2016

Fairytales!

I've started hating fairytales
They are way too sinful
To be belived
The beauty, the happiness
That they project is unreal.
And I feel fooled
Because, I believed all that
Once upon a time.

Why, I don't know.
But, yes.
I did believe in
Every bit of
Happily ever afters
And
Those unreal forevers,
Which must have felt
Ditched even on the
Paper they were scribbled on.

Someone's imagination
Someone's craving
Someone's passion
Someone's desire
And they call it a
Goddamn fairy tale.

Yes! It's unreal
Yes! It doesn't exist
So what?
Who are you to call
It a silly fiction?

How do you know
How real is
Someone's pain, struggle
Desire and passion.

Exactly, you don't know
You know nothing
And that is presicely
Why you call it an unreal tale
Or a fairy tale or a fiction.

And I have refused to
Believe what you want me to
Believe.

Every morning is not a
Bright sunny morning
Some mornings are
Worse than those lonely nights
And
Some nights are more
Comforting than those
Wicked mornings.

All that is written
In that fairy tale is a lie
But, the one who has written it
Is not a liar.
The storyteller must have been
Someone who had craved for
All those bright sunny happy times
But those cravings wouldn't have subsided
And maybe that's how a tale teller emerged.

Every bit written on
That paper of the that
Fairy tale is a proof
Of unadulterated lies
But,
Every emotion with which
Each word was written on
That sheet is real.

Each partical of that emotion
Must have been so real
And painfully beautiful
That it tries to absorb
Others pain,
By fooling them with
A shade of a
Rainbow world.

कुछ अलफ़ाज़, बस यूँ ही -12!

ना जाने मैं कब इतना टूट गयी
की अपनी सांसों से ही कुछ
रूठ सी गयी।
----------
अगर तुम्हारे साथ जीने की आदत पड़ सकती है, तो तुम्हारे बिना सांस लेने की आदत तो पड़ ही जाएगी।
---------
मैंने तो ना तुम्हें छोड़े था ना उम्मीद को, अब मुझे क्या पता था की तुम और उम्मीद दोनों ही दगाबाज़ निकलोगे।
---------
शायद हर आंधी तूफ़ान से लड़ने की ताकत और हिम्मत है मुझ में, बस ना जाने इन यादों के सैलाब को कयूँ झेल नहीं पाती।
--------
ये "खास" बड़ा ही
अजीब लफ्ज़ है
सब कुछ करने
के बाद भी
इस खास की कमी
हमेशा रह ही जाती है।
----------
कहानियाँ सुनाने वाले बहुत हैं,
कहानियाँ शुरू करने वाले भी बहुत हैं
बस,
कहानियों को अनजाम देने वालों की
ना जाने कैसै कमी सी रह गयी।
-----------
दर्द की फ़ित्रत अजीब होती है, बिन बुलाए आता है और बिना बताये चला भी जाता है।
---------
अजीब दस्तूर है ज़माने का, टूटे हुए को तोड़ना चाहता है। क्या पता नहीं है इनको की टुकड़े की आज़माशि से कुछ ना मिल कर भी सब मिल जाता है।
----------
मुहोब्बत बेहद नाज़ुक अलफ़ाज़ है, और उससे भी ज्यादा नाज़ुक चीज़ है दिल। तोड़ना बहुत आसान है और वाप्स जोड़ना तो खैर नामुम्किन ही है। लेकिन, फ़िर भी हम सब तोड़ते और जोड़ते रहते हैं। बेवकूफ़ हैं ना हम सब?
----------
बहुत याद आती है तुम्हारी
जब अकेले होती हूँ तब
और जब अकेले नहीं भी
होती हूँ, तब भी
पर क्या फायेदा
उस याद का जो तुम्हे
वापस ला ही नहीं पाए
खैर, छोड़ो
मेरी यादें
मेरी परेशानियां
तुम्हारा क्या?



Monday, 29 August 2016

Unfinished!

Are you contented
With your life?
Are you somewhere
Close to what they
Call as peace
And happiness?

If you are,
Rest assured, you haven't
Explored, either yourself
Or the world
And,
If you aren't,
Then chase it
Chase it, till the
End of the universe.

You're always in that age
Where you can
Welcome new scars,
For adventures
In and with life
Never really end,
And, probably they shouldn't
Either.

And with adventures
Come the evidences
Of the adventures
Some call them
Injuries
For the rest
It's a memoir of
The adventure.

There's always time
To find beauty
Within and around
Before you retire
With grace and glory.

You are fire,
I'm fire
We're fire
And that fire
Keeps us going,
Going till the end
And beyond.

Sunday, 28 August 2016

Corners!

There's something strange
About them,
Corners.

It is so strange
That it feels
As if it is
Special, very special.

Everytime,
I pause for a while
To probably catch my breath
Or to grab a cup of coffee
All I look for, is a corner.

A corner,
Where I can
Sit in peace
And breathe with ease
Without any pressure
Of being judged.

These corners
Don't ask for
Justifications
Or
Petty explanations
They just let me be.
Always.

Friday, 26 August 2016

3 am!

They are wrong
When they say
3am is meant for
Artists, dreamers and writers
Yes! They are wrong,
3 am is meant for, memories
The kind of memories
That you wish were moments
That you could
Live and re - live now.

3am is for emotions
The emotions that you
Want to suppress throughout
The day, yet crave for them
All the time
It's, that time when you
Give up and nobody watches you
It's an hour of acceptance.

The type of acceptance
That injures every bit of the heart
And scratches every inch of the soul.

A state where there is no one to go to
And probably that is why
Some choose to bleed on paper
Some on canvas
Some expect the moon to absorb
The blood that drips in the form of tears

3am is an hour
Which nobody wishes
To see and live
Yet, wait for it everyday
To come
For the love
Of accepting the
Heartbreaks
And
Fragments of the soul.

It's for the kind of artists
Who derive art from
Within, without and around.

Wednesday, 24 August 2016

Go off to sleep!

You tell me
I'm good for nothing,
Maybe to you I am,
Or maybe I really am
Yet,
I don't give a damn
Do you know why?
Because, I refuse
I refuse to choose
What you want me
To choose, do and believe.

I am crazy,
Not a "crazy diamond"
Waiting to be polished
I'm a crazy piece
A piece of sins and flaws
For this is what accepts me
Willingly, without demanding
Unjust justifications.

I'm not art
I'm not an artist, either
Yet, what flows in me
Is a miraculous combination of
Art, dreams and magic.

Those patterns
That have made their
Space in my mind
Have left a vacuum
For your corporate aspirations
Which you want me to meet.

Huh! You won't understand
So, just let it be
Neither, are you changing
Not, am I
Therefore,
Just shut up
And, go off to sleep.

Out of love -61!

In the end,
All of us our lost
Some, somewhere
The rest,
Somewhere in the middle
Of nowhere.
---------
I hate this double faced-ness, hypocrisy and inability of senses. It wants me to believe in God, while it refuses to legitimise faith in magic.
----------
You know waiting
Is quite painful
And
Tests my patience too
But,
I don't really
Mind it
Until, it's for you.
--------------
Those memoirs which can't be disposed off are much more fatal than memories.
------------
There are somethings
That I will never learn
To unlearn.
---------
In the end, it's you who has to collect your pieces and do the rebuilding. Again.
-----------
When time tries to waste you, waste the time like a pro. Sometimes you really need to show things their place, you know.
-------------
Everything is okay to deal with, but when it comes to not worrying about you, dayum, that's exactly the place where I fail every damn time.
-----------
Every backspace has a story. A story, craving to be heard, wishing to be acknowledged and wanting to be accepted.
------------
Time is neither a healer,
nor an ointment.
Time is mere time.
Things start getting stale
And eventually rot.
That's about it,
TIME. 

Monday, 22 August 2016

Sinful perspectives!

My love for you,
According to you
Is a mistake.

But,
For me
It's the ultimate
Source of strength.

Yes,
Even after all
Your ignorance
It still is.

And, will always be.

Wednesday, 17 August 2016

Everytime!

Everytime,
You ask me
Why I stand
Beside you

Everytime,
You tell me
To leave when
I want to

Everytime,
You call me
To tell me
How I'm
Committing a
Huge mistake
By being with you.

You just give me
One more reason
To be, stand and smile
With, along and beside
You.

Just so you know,
For the
Hundredth million time
I am telling this to you
Again,
As I do
Everytime.

I'm there
Not because
I should be
Or
I can be.

I'm there
Because,
I want to be
It's amazing
I love it.

I'm not there
With you
Because,
You need me.

I stand next
To you, always
Because,
I want and need you
I always will.

This thing
That you and I
Share is
A way of life
The way in which
I love my life.

Your panic attacks
Your possessiveness
You getting hyper
When I am late,
Makes me feel blessed.

Everytime,
I look at the time
I know you are
Waiting for me
To come
And
That makes me
Feel divine.

Yes!
This will last
Till the end of forever
We will make it last
Because, this is
Essential.
Probably as essential
As the oxygen
We breathe.

Everytime, everyday, everything.
A sinful routine
A beautiful bond.

Tuesday, 9 August 2016

Just STOP!

Just when you are
About to think
Of what exactly you
Wish to think
I want you to
Stop.

I want you to stop
At that very moment.

Yes,
Just stop
Because, as you begin
To plan to think
You will somewhere
Get confused
And I don't want
You to be confused.

Stop, because
I don't want you
To doubt
Yourself, myself and ourselves.

We're lost,
Yes, we are
All of us,
Some willingly
And
Some, very willingly.

We're lost because
We crave to find ourselves
Every morning when we wake up
And
Every night when sleep
Doesn't kiss us, easily.

This tiring business
Of finding
Who, what, where, how
Is the reason I
Don't want to think.

In fact,
I don't want
Anyone to think,
This business is bad
It makes you question
Everything, everyone
Including yourself.

The kind of questions
Which will never get
An answer
Because, the moment
We think, we've got an answer
Will exactly be the moment
When we find a new question.

And in this quest
I might,
You might,
We might,
Forget to
Live, breathe and smile.

So, stop.
Thinking is just
Not worth it.
It never will be.
Just STOP.

Sunday, 7 August 2016

आज फिर नींद नहीं आयी!

आज फिर नींद नहीं आयी
वही पुराना इंतज़ार
और कुछ बिखरी हुई
उम्मीदों ने फिर
चुरा ली मेरी
रात की नींद

खैर,
तुम्हे क्या फरक पड़ता है
तुमको कौनसी चिंता है
जो तुम सोचोगे
मेरी सलामती के
बारे में

शायद,
आजकल के ज़माने में
सिर्फ अपने बारे में
सोचने वाले लोग ही
खुश रहते है'

ऐसा लगता है
की अब अपनों
के बारे में
सोचना ही नाजायास
सा हो गया है

और,
मैं तो अब
तुम्हारे अपनों में
भी नहीं आती हूँ
तो, मेरे जीने
या मरने से
तुम्हे भला क्यूँ
फरक पड़ेगा

चलो, कोई बात नहीं
वक़्त के साथ
सब बदल जाता है
तो, ये रिश्ते भला
क्यूँ पीछे रहें?

ये रिश्ते भी
बड़ी बेहरहमी से
या, तो बदल जाते है
या फिर टूट  कर
ज़ख्म कर डालते हैं

हम तो आज भी
तुम्हारी यादों
के टुकड़ों के
सहारे जीते हैं
और
तुम, उन अनमोल लम्हों
को भुला कर
कहीं दूर
शायद,
चैन से रहते हो

ठीक है,
आज नहीं तो कल
ये यादें भी
पुरानी हो जायेंगी

मिट तो नहीं  पाएंगी
पर धुंदली तो हो ही
जाएंगी

जब ऐसा होगा
तब,
मै भी बदल जाउंगी
हो सकता है
थोडा सा जल
भी जाऊं,
लेकिन,
तुम्हारी इन यादों
के सैलाब
और
सलामत हो या नहीं
वाली बेचैनी के
समुन्दर को
तो पार कर
ही जाउंगी.

Thursday, 4 August 2016

Out of love - 60!

In the end,
All we need is a
Little corner where
We can cry and smile
Without being judged.
----------
It was a joke for you, but for me it was a mistake that gave me memories for a lifetime. The kind of memories I love to hate.
---------
You think I love you
Ummm.... You aren't wrong,
But do you know
How worried I am about your smiles?
----------
After losing you, I lost hope and faith in forevers!
---------
The irony is, that you die every damn day, yet aren't declared dead during those days.
-----------
I love you and I will always keep my promise of being with you. And so they walked together, on parallel roads.
Promise keepers first, lovers next.
-----------
I almost believed
That, I couldn't do
Without you,
Until, you left
And I still managed
To survive!
-----------
I know you will come to me when there's nobody
Though, I never want you to be lonely in life
But, I can't stop craving for you either.
Can we fix this, please?
----------
From being the reason behind my heartbeat to now being the reason why my heart is bleeding profusely, our bond had taken a turn. A turn that you and I never wanted. NEVER.
The heart, the soul, the mind. All gone.

Wednesday, 3 August 2016

Love: A rotten joke!

You call love
Blissful, right?
Ha! You might be
At bliss after
Finding, being, falling
In love
I certainly am not.

On the contrary,
It's one of those
Obnoxious feelings
Where I doubt myself
Hate myself for
Feeling it for someone else.

I know it's therapeutic
To have you by my side
But, it's been a while
To that healing and therapy
Now, it's all about
Endless waiting
And self cursing for
Falling for you.

That bliss, which you call
Makes my heart bleed
And, soul weep
But, I take it all
You know why?
Because, I love you
Much more than
I used to love myself.

You were therapy,
You still are,
But, these transitions
Are just not what
Both of us wanted.

Even, if I hate it
I still can't get over
The memories we've
Created
And
The times we've
Spent, together.

So,
Yes, it's obnoxious
And absolutely disgusting
To love, and live with a Utopia
Of being and feeling loved.

It's all a delusion.

Love is a delusion.
A rotten joke.
Something as sinful
As an oasis.

Damn. I have lived
With so much of
Fakeness
All this while.
DAMN.
DAMN AGAIN.

Saturday, 30 July 2016

कभी बताया नहीं आपको!

कभी बताया नहीं आपको
की आपकी कितनी याद आती है
ये बात शायद
सिर्फ,
अँधेरी रातों
मे चमकते हुए
चंद तारों को ही
पता है

और वैसे भी
अब आप दीखते कहाँ है
जो कोई बात आपसे करी जाए
आप तो खुश होंगे
उस दुनिया में भी

हर हाल में
मुस्कुराने की वजह
ढूँढना तो आपकी
काफी पुरानी आदत है
अब तक तो काफी खुशियाँ
ढूँढ ही ली होगी आपने

मुझे याद पता नहीं
करते हैं या नहीं आप
पर मेरा गीला तकिया
इस बात का गवाह है की
मुझे आपकी कमी से ज्यादा
शायद ही कोई और चीज़
है जो इस वक़्त खल रही हो

आज जब इतनी बैचैनी
हो रही है
सब कुछ फिसलता हुआ
नज़र आ रहा है
तब कोई एक भी
ऐसा नहीं है
जो मुझे गले से
लगा कर शांत करा सके

अगर जाना ही था
तो तनहा रहने की
आदत ही डलवा जाते
क्यूँ लगवाई अपनी आदत
जब साथ निभाना ही नहीं था? 

Friday, 29 July 2016

Don't go, please?

I know
You are going,
Going to
A better place
A better world
A place where
You will be free
From all your
Pain and agony.

Maybe,
You will find
Your share of
Peace and solace there.

But,
I still don't
Want you to go
I don't,
Because
I can't see you
Going.

I know
I am being selfish
Very very selfish
But, in our case
You were the one
Who was
In fact still is
Selfless
I have always
Been selfish.

Texting you anytime
Calling you in the most
Weird situations and hours
Without even thinking
That you could be
Busy or messed up too.

But, you know what!
It's your fault,
Yes! Your fault.

You never told me
To shut up
Or
Stopped me from
Being clingy all the time.

You were ALWAYS there
The kind of always
Which one can
Only find in
Fictional fairy tales
But, you like
An absolute douche
Made it real for me.

Now,
When you are being
Selfish for once
I just cant handle it.

You're going to a
Happier place
A place where
You would be
The light
Where no pain
Will be able to
Touch you.

But, still.
PLEASE DON'T GO
Please tolerate the
Terrible, mean and horrible me
For some more time, atleast
I need you
I love you
And
I want you.
PLEASE.

Thursday, 28 July 2016

Them, the ends!

I try to
Meet and reach
Them before it's
Too late
But,
You know how
This time is
Impatient and restless
Always,
Making me feel
Like a loser
All the time.

It's always late
Before I reach them
It's usually gone
Before I can see them
It's annoying
To begin a new chapter
Without reaching it.

But it still is
The way it is
Shameless and unstoppable.

Despite everything
That I do
And try do
I just miss
Reaching
Meeting
And
Seeing
THEM.

THEM, the ends.

Tuesday, 26 July 2016

अब मुझे इंतज़ार नहीं है!

अब मुझे इंतज़ार नहीं है
क्यूँकि इंतज़ार वहाँ होता है
जहाँ उम्मीद हो
और अब उम्मीदों को
मुह मोड़े काफ़ी मुद्दत
हो गयी है।

मायूस नहीं हूँ
और अगर हूँ भी
तो ठीक हो जाऊँगी,
नहीं भी हुई
तो क्या फ़र्क पड़ेगा
वक्त तो ना
तब रुका था
ना अब रुकेगा।

ज़िदगी हो या जंग
लड़ना और बढ़ना
तो पड़ता ही है
कभी मर्ज़ी से
और कभी
मजबूरी से।

Saturday, 23 July 2016

Wait, live and smile!

I love you,
In fact,
I love you, very much
And hence,
I will not enforce
My love on you,
Neither
Will I bind you to love me.

You are free
Go on,
Love the one
You really love.

I fell in love
With you
But,
You rise
In love with
The one
You really love.

Though,
It doesn't matter to you
But, just so you know
I am there for you
Forever and always
Whether you care or not
I will still be there
Because,
I love you
And that's enough
For a reason
To wait,
Live
And smile.

Friday, 22 July 2016

I learn from coffee!

There's something strange
About a cup of hot coffee
It has taught me how
Sinfully beautiful it is
To be bitter and sweet
Together.

Everytime I add
A sachet of brown sugar
And a cube of white sugar
I realise how important
It is to adapt to a change
Not for perfection,
But for learning
The importance of
Losing self
And being free
Of the burden
Of identity.

As I stir
My creamy latte
To mix sugar
At my own pace
Sometimes, slowly
And
Sometimes, rigorously,
I realise the importance
Of being zero
And the relevance of
Being in motion
Without moving from
Your location or place.

How I wish
I was like coffee,
Selfless, sinful and beautiful
All together.

Thursday, 21 July 2016

ना जाने ऐसा क्या हुआ!

ना जाने मुझसे ऐसा
क्या हो गया
की मेरा मानो सब कुछ ही
खो गया

ना नींद आती है ना चैन,
बस दिन रात उस गलती को
समझने की कोशिश करती हूँ
जो मैंने शायद की ही नहीं है

तुम को शायद खो दिया है मैंने
या फिर शायद कभी पाया ही नहीं था
पर वो जो पल साथ बिताये थे
शायद उन्हीं ने ज़िन्दगी का मतलब सिखाया था

चलो, खैर अब तो
" गुज़र गयी गुजरान
क्या झोपडी क्या मकान "
वाली बात है

तुम जहाँ भी हो खुश रहो
मैं तुम्हारी यादों के साथ
अपनी तन्हाई को मिटा लूंगी
मैं भी सांसें तो आखिर ले ही लूंगी 

Wednesday, 20 July 2016

Out of love - 59!

I am waiting for those grey ticks to turn blue again, so that I'm officially back to my pieces and from there I can restart building myself, yet again.
-----------
If I ever say I am not waiting for you, just put a mirror in front of me. I will automatically confront that pretentious me!
----------
You are my priority just because I made you one. Simple.
-------
Step by step
Minute by minute
I will climb the
Ladder
That takes me
Closer to my dreams
----------
Sometimes denial is divine, really.
---------
I have left that place,
Where evidences of
Your memories resided.
But,
What do I do
With the traces
Of them
Which keep
Haunting me
All day?
----------
I keep silent when you ignore me loud and clear, just because I care more about your ego and less about my heart break.
---------
Whenever you have a choice between magic & mind. Choose magic. Mind is wicked, anyway.
---------
The unslept, and almost unwept nights, that I have spent, waiting for you, have actually made me realise how beautiful it is to mean nothing to what means everything to you.
--------
Chat archived. Contact hidden. Photos deleted. Yet, prayers were always done to keep its smile intact. But, they thought she had moved on. 

Tuesday, 19 July 2016

कुछ अलफ़ाज़, बस यूँ ही -11!

आज फिर नींद नहीं आई
तुम्हारी याद फ़िरसे जो आ गयी
ना जाने कब तक होगा ये
जब तक भी, होगा तब तक चैन
ना मुझे मिलेगा
ना ही नींद को।
-------
फिर तोड़ दिया? अभी ही तो उन कोनों पे गोंद लगायी थी जहाँ से मुब्बत की जगह तड़प से पनपने वाला इंतज़ार बहा करता था। खैर, तुमने तो आज फिर अपना इतिहास दोहरा ही दिया। मेरा दिल जो एक बार फिर तोड़ दिया।
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ये तुम्हारे लौट आने का इंतज़ार ही तो है, जिसने मेरी हिम्मत और बेबसी दोनों को एक साथ कायम रखा है।
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अब तो ईद का चाँद भी आ गया, ना जाने तुम्हारी बेहद कीमती मुस्कान कब लौट कर आयेगी।
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ये जो तुम्हारी यादें हैं, जो मैंने और तुमने साथ में मिलकर बनायी थी उनका मैं क्या करूँ? ये यादें तो मुझे तुम्हारी कमी से भी ज्यादा खल रही हैं ।
-------
दर्द को अश्कों में बहाने के बजाए अल्फ़ाज़ों में तबदील किया जाए तो ज्यादा जल्दी सुकून मिलता है।
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तूफ़ान तो बस ज़िदगी में आया करते हैं, बाकी सब तो बस हवा के झोके हैं ।
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इंतज़ार बहुत बुरी चीज है। लेकिन जिस दिन इंतज़ार की उम्मीद भी चली गयी क्या सांस लेने की उम्मीद भी बचेगी।
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दिल मस्जिद, इश्क नमाज़, तेरी आँखों का सुकून अल्लाह |
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मेरी खामोशी में इतने आँसू और चीखें छुपी हैं, कि जिस दिन ये टूटी , उस दिन कुछ ऐसा होगा जो ना मैं सम्हाल पाऊँगी ना तुम।