Out of love - 91!

What are answers if not un-phrased questions?
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On the days I’m in pain,
I re-read our conversations
And miraculously enough
The pain translates into hurt.
And thus you continue to be
My waiver of pain, anyway.
Such a constant, you!
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Throw away those pieces of you that shatter self.
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Too strong for the dark, too weak for the light, amidst the grey; I manage to survive.
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But when the bravest soldiers lose the battles to win wars, they become losers wearing a mask of victory.
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Dreams have become
Just like the morning dew
Which seems to be fresh for
The world & mundane for
Each leaf it falls on.

Maybe it was just
A phase when I thought
I could chase,
Dreams.
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But those who brave hurricanes aren’t rattled by storms.
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Battlegrounds aren’t meant
To offer anything beyond,
Killed souls, wounded warriors
And the good old fake pride.
———————
More than a hundred volcanoes have exploded within & have hardened each soft corner of the heart. Do you think these petty storms will still be able to rattle me?
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Weak in the knees
Trembling interiors of the heart
I walk towards the battleground
This time to lose the war,
And conquer the damn fears.

Resembling a loser,
Feeling a loser,
Chasing the lust
Of victory,
As always.

One Day, Some Day!

One day,
Some day,
I will find the words
For us,
The kind of words
That don’t bind us
But connect us
Across borders,
Through rivers,
Beyond galaxies.

Those words will be simple
Very very simple,
Yet real, the kind of words
That will not need a dictionary
They’d be good with a gentle glance
They’ll touch your soul,
Massage my heart
And in this we will find our joy,
Our share of happiness & solace.

Those words won’t be written
That story won’t be told
It’ll be a moment,
A miracle, filled with magic
Reeking of sparkle & home
Those set of words will
Come to us,
One day,
Some day.

Solider!

Who are you to call yourself
A solider, you wretched coward.
Your wars are lost,
Your battles remain un-fought
Yet you address
Your combination of blood & bones
As a solider?

You moron, you loser, you cheat
How did you ever think
That there existed a solider
In your soul
As you once claimed it to be.

But, now that you’ve been
Told to believe that you
Are neither a warrior
Nor a solider
What have you chosen to be?

A soft murmur, a gentle hug
Reassures, that soldiers
Are never born, they’re built
By their own power & strength
And to me, I am a solider
Who has chosen to step in
The battle field
And that is enough of a reason
To believe that I will
Continue to be a solider
Till the time
I prove my blood & sweat,
Equally.

Out of love - 90!

Now, I use my unacknowledged love for you to my benefit,
The blood oozing out of the cracks in my heart,
Is now the ink I use to create a bit of art & magic.
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On some days,
Words & hope fail
To heal the bruises
Of the soul,
On those days
Give silence & darkness
A fair chance,
They deserve it after all.
———————
Look at that moon,
which stays still,
at ease,
hopefully at peace,
while you & I run
each day on the roads we hate,
towards the destinations we dread
Breathless, scared, functional.
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Thrash me hard
Scold me loud & clear
Smash my passions
Set my dreams ablaze
And, then, sit back
And watch how my
Aspirations rise from ashes
Like a pheonix
In the open sky.
———————-
Break my Hands & my legs
Don’t spare my heart for it has sinned
To dream, to aspire & to believe
Derive pleasure as you see me break
And then watch me resist shattering
For I will conquer, what I choose to
As & when I need to.
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Beyond boundaries, across borders,
Just where the passion kisses profession.
I will find myself, performing for Satan.
——————
To the nights we spent moon gazing, as I kept my heavy head on your right shoulder while you played with my hair with your left hand while repeating your oh so favourite dialogue, “Right side is for the weight, the left is for the therapy” & I as usual would not buy that because what’s with the left and the right when there is just darkness and no light to which you’d say “I love this genre of loyalty by the night sky it’s always dark, unlike the days which are bright on some, gloomy on others. Shouldn’t the darkness be goals for being so loyal, so pure, so therapeutic?” to which I’d just nod & be. To the nights that translated to gloomy days & to the moments that are now just memories of......our erstwhile wounds & current scars.
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That’s the thing with dreams,
They don’t die,
You will have to kill them,
Bit by bit, piece by piece, part by part
Till the time you haven’t slaughtered it will
Your sleep won’t kiss you,
And once you have murdered it
A good night’s sleep will kiss
And your heart will continue
To exist just like a stranded lover
Broken, hurting, functional.
————————
You and I,
Are like the sun & the moon
Living apart
Staying together, always.
————————
Between heaven & hell,
Lie your dreams in a tiny nutshell.

कुछ अल्फ़ाज़ बस यूँ ही-23!

वो जो ज़िंदगी से धड़कन चुरा ले गये,
आज पूछ रहे हैं के सब ख़ैरियत है या नहीं
कोई ज़रा उन्हें बता दे की साँस क़ायम है
तो बस ज़िंदा भर हैं.
——————
हर टूटा ख़्वाब,
उस उधुरी ख़्वाहिश की
गवाही देगा जिसे मैंने
चाहा था पर पाने की
हिमाक़त ना की.
—————
वो कह रहे हैं, होश में आओ
अरे! कोई ख़बर उन्हें
की अगर हम होश में अभी गए
तो क्या वो सच्चाई से
लड़ने साथ आएँगे
या यूँ ही हमारे
सुकून का दम घोटने का मन है उनका
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ज़िंदगी में एक रोज़ उम्मीद
ख़फ़ा भी हो जाए तो ग़म नहीं,
लेकिन उस रोज़ जिस दिन
ज़िंदगी की उम्मीद ख़त्म हो जाएगी
तो साँसों के बोझ को कैसे संभालियेगा.
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अगर तेरी हिफ़ाज़त की होती मैंने,
तो एक रोज़ तुझे दग़ा देने का
ख़याल शायद ज़हन में आ जाता
पर तेरी तो इबादत की है मैंने
अब बता क्या करूँ?
टूट के बिखर जाऊँ,
या तेरे इंतज़ार
में ज़िंदगी बसर करदूँ.
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अब वो हमें शुक्रिया बोलने लगे हैं, ज़रा चाँद से पूछो की उस अंधेरी रात ने उससे कुछ कहा भी है या अब तक बस गिड-गिड़ा ही रहा है उसके क़दमों तले.
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उसे क़ैद तो कभी किया ना था,
पर आज उसको रिहा कर,
ख़ुद आज़ाद हो रही हूँ.
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कम से कम दग़ा तो वफ़ादारी से देते.
——————
उनके ज़ख़्म गहरे थे,
इसलिए शायद
अशकों में तब्दील हो गए
हमारे पायाब घाव
तो बस कहीं
तन्हाई में ही दफ़न
होते रहे.
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हमें तो उनकी नफ़रत भी नसीब नहीं,
कभी इश्क़ होता तब तो नफ़रत पनपती
उन्होंने तो हमें कभी तवज्जो ही ना दी
ना इश्क़ मिला ना नफ़रत.